I haven't written in a while. It was winter ski season and I was busy... but alot of small things happened.
I turned 42. Thats a big deal. It doesn't hit me that hard, but as I pull away from 30's into 40's, and into the dreaded 50's... I do start to realize how old I really am getting. 40's is ok, I can be a bachelor and date whoever I want, go snowboarding or go to a bar or club... but at 50's eek, I can't be doing that shit can I ? Seems kinda lame if you ask me.
But maybe my life is heading that way. Hmmm.. not so sure. I started to get a bit comfortable these past few years with being single. Seriously its true.. just dating occasionally, but having freedom. Nobody nagging me on Sunday to go out and go for a walk or go shopping for new curtains.. or that kind of stuff that nobody really wants to do, but in a relationship you do it because its part of the price of being with someone - not to make it sound bad, the upside of relationships are unbeatable when its a good one.
But thats the problem -- finding a "good one" is arbitrary by nature, but the arbitrariness turns more specific as time goes on. Maybe its because as you get older, you get used to yourself and learn to be independent.. or maybe as you get older, you demand more (even though you should demand less!).
So I found myself dating a nice girl, 30yo, english speaking japanese gal for a few months, and while she was really liking me... I just couldn't find myself so into her. So it ended in a nice but sad way, and I felt just a tad bit of emotion.. guess I've turned cold ??? But I also realized maybe I'm enjoying singlehood too much and not thinking about the future ...
hmmm... but anyways welcome to Spring !
I turned 42. Thats a big deal. It doesn't hit me that hard, but as I pull away from 30's into 40's, and into the dreaded 50's... I do start to realize how old I really am getting. 40's is ok, I can be a bachelor and date whoever I want, go snowboarding or go to a bar or club... but at 50's eek, I can't be doing that shit can I ? Seems kinda lame if you ask me.
But maybe my life is heading that way. Hmmm.. not so sure. I started to get a bit comfortable these past few years with being single. Seriously its true.. just dating occasionally, but having freedom. Nobody nagging me on Sunday to go out and go for a walk or go shopping for new curtains.. or that kind of stuff that nobody really wants to do, but in a relationship you do it because its part of the price of being with someone - not to make it sound bad, the upside of relationships are unbeatable when its a good one.
But thats the problem -- finding a "good one" is arbitrary by nature, but the arbitrariness turns more specific as time goes on. Maybe its because as you get older, you get used to yourself and learn to be independent.. or maybe as you get older, you demand more (even though you should demand less!).
So I found myself dating a nice girl, 30yo, english speaking japanese gal for a few months, and while she was really liking me... I just couldn't find myself so into her. So it ended in a nice but sad way, and I felt just a tad bit of emotion.. guess I've turned cold ??? But I also realized maybe I'm enjoying singlehood too much and not thinking about the future ...
hmmm... but anyways welcome to Spring !
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