Pivotal point in my life was....

Perhaps pivotal point in my life was deciding to go from hi-tech to non-hi-tech which was back in 2004 or so.

I was at HP doing a loser job.. but slacking so much it was awesome.  I was working at home most of the time from my MtView condo and pretty much did a little work but had a great lifestyle.  If we had the technology of 2015 then it would have been even better with wifi everywhere-- i coulda been playing tennis daily or been at the snow resort!

Anyways...  i wonder if it was a good choice or not.  Hmmm... never know.

The crossroads was in deciding to join Barclays in 2004 instead of say Netflix or staying at HP.  Hmmm....  alas.  Never know.

Bro

My bro tells me to have a baby so his kid can have a cousin.  How selfish.

His wife tells me the same.

Both parties say kids are great but marriage is so-so.  I hear the marriage part alot...  that marriage is tough.  People say kids are tough but fewer say it sucks.

But i gues if u say having kids sucks, then its like saying u dont like your kids which people will think is evil.  Saying u dont like wife is not evil I guess.

Cross Roads part N

Was talking to some folks.

About being old.

Anyways 42 now.. at crossroads of career.  Most at 42 prob have 1 more shot at doing something in life before:
- hiding at a company hoping u dont get fired hoping u got enough retirement
- moving up the exec ladder which is the only place safe as an old man in this world

So at 42 I wonder what is the move..
1) Stay w/ the bank and move up slowly... though this bank is dying.  it would take forever
2) Try a move inside banking and float the resume (no hard I will do it)
3) Make a move outside banking and re-start a career

Hmmm... some way 42 isn't too old.  50 is too old.
I been saying to 32yo coworkers u should try something new.  To 40yo I usually say stick it out.. but 40-60 retirement is a long way to go.

Anyways not sure what my plan is.  But I am getting weak... that is for sure

long post lost

damn I had a long post that I lost

the summary of that post was that I enjoy single life and just being able to do my own shit ..  it's kind sorry but true.  u get older and u don't wanna sacrifice your free time doing stuff w a gf...

the other reality is if I can't meet a girl who I'm super gaga for then I definitely rather just do my own thing ... and honestly I haven't met one that does (ie I haven't met and scored w one)

the Sad note is I date but I my success rate is bad.  just went on a date w a Korean gal tonight but apparently no action wow what w failure....  feels bad to  strike out.  but heck it's all a game ままま

Movie Reviews

I saw 2 movies on the plane.

Birdman w/ Michael Keaton and The Gambler with Marky Mark Walberg.

Is it The Birdman, like The Batman?   Well both had similar themes and aging out of prime actors..

What I got out of the Gambler's mentality is
- if you aren't brilliant at something don't bother.  The world has enough mediocre (writers).
- you are what you are.  He's a gambler even when he's up, he's going all in.
- live true to yourself, he tries to accept himself and his flaws.
- Counter to Marky Mark, the fat man John Goodman lives safe, says $2m put it away in the bank, own a house live off the interest so you can always say "fuck off" to anyone, any time.

Fast forward to "The Birdman" - Keaton.. playing himself really, basically said "fuck off" at the height of his career after 3 big movies.  FF years later, he's a washup, nearly broke and feels like a sellout.  Did he sell out by giving up the Birdman series or by doing them in the first place?

Either way, Keaton risks everything to live true to himself and get back to being something that makes him feel alive -- with his conscious telling him he shouldn't have given up on the easy life of The Birdman.   Ed Norton only feels alive when he's on stage, and can only get a boner on stage as a result.   Marky Mark can't bear to teach to average writers and knows himself to be just average and can't deal with it even though it was the easy path in life.  He finds an escape in gambling to feel alive.

Both characters have such easy paths in life.. but they give it up.  Its like Branford Marselus who had easy money on the Tonight Show in '92 but gave it up likely for the same reasons.   Its interesting.. I feel some similarity.  I'm sure bankers and traders I know making $1m+ a year feel it more, but even I feel it...  maybe I make a few bucks more than I could doing something more inspirational, but it still hits me at times that I could be doing something ... more significant ?

Or screw it take the money and go on vacation more!!

Life is short.  If I only had two lives to life ...

Asahi

Spent a few days in Asahikawa up north in Hokkaido... was thinking maybe this (2nd biggest city in Hokkaido, next to Sapporo) could be a town to retire in.. i thought quiet, smaller, near mountains and snow and cheaper.

But alas..  I walked around the town.. and felt it was so dead.  I guess its tough to have it all.  If you want action, u need to be near bigger cities or more urban zones.  I'd compare it to Tokyo.. its got it all but it is packed and expensive.   Palo Alto, its not as packed but its got action and its also super expensive...

Hmmm and by action I don't mean drugs, sex, sluts .. I just mean there is a vibe and energy and people about.

Guess first thing is to decide what one needs in retirement days....

Prior to that, how much $ do we need to retire ???

Some highlights

Postlog -- I didn't realize my last post was October!  Wow... since then... hmm... good things to jot down:

1. Went down from 78.5kg to 74.5 between Sept and Dec.  My secret?  Run 2x a week 3-5k, do some light home exercise courtesy of 7-min.com and most important ?  Eat more salad and light dinners !!  Its all about the eating!!

2. Had an epic Jamon (Ham) party in Dec at my house and had a blast, I was so drunk though that I apparently kissed 3 girls (I remember 2 of them pretty well, 1 barely, but all 3 are good friends all 24yrs old so I found that amusing).  Nothing else really came of it, but its a good memory.  I have some pics.

3. NY spent 5 days in Asahidake and hiked 4 days pretty hardcore.  It was a great test of endurance.. loved it.  Not sure I can do it again though, its grueling but feels great after doing it.

4. Went to Canada (BC) in mid-Feb and the snow sucked bad.  Planned for 10 days, but returned after 6 and went to snowboard in Japan and it was fabulous!!  Hahaha.. the irony.....

5.  Friend broke his shoulder/clavical snowboarding..  this is a dangerous sport.  I have to wonder...  I had a few falls that made me think this year.  Nothing broken but just makes you think.. its a timebomb.  Just like my bro-in-law who got hit by a car bicycling.. these are inherently dangerous activities.

6.  Was dating a nice girl from Dec-Feb, but decided it wasn't true love.   Not sure what true love is, but it should be a feeling of wanting to see them daily and not wanting them to go home.  Instead I found myself wanting to push off seeing the girl to only 1x a week, and was happy when she left on Sunday so I could play LoL or do something else by myself.

Had a thought.. but now its gone

I haven't written in a while.  It was winter ski season and I was busy... but alot of small things happened.

I turned 42.  Thats a big deal.  It doesn't hit me that hard, but as I pull away from 30's into 40's, and into the dreaded 50's... I do start to realize how old I really am getting.  40's is ok, I can be a bachelor and date whoever I want, go snowboarding or go to a bar or club... but at 50's eek, I can't be doing that shit can I ?   Seems kinda lame if you ask me.

But maybe my life is heading that way.  Hmmm.. not so sure.   I started to get a bit comfortable these past few years with being single.  Seriously its true.. just dating occasionally, but having freedom.  Nobody nagging me on Sunday to go out and go for a walk or go shopping for new curtains.. or that kind of stuff that nobody really wants to do, but in a relationship you do it because its part of the price of being with someone - not to make it sound bad, the upside of relationships are unbeatable when its a good one.  

But thats the problem -- finding a "good one" is arbitrary by nature, but the arbitrariness turns more specific as time goes on.  Maybe its because as you get older, you get used to yourself and learn to be independent.. or maybe as you get older, you demand more (even though you should demand less!).

So I found myself dating a nice girl, 30yo, english speaking japanese gal for a few months, and while she was really liking me... I just couldn't find myself so into her.  So it ended in a nice but sad way, and I felt just a tad bit of emotion.. guess I've turned cold ???    But I also realized maybe I'm enjoying singlehood too much and not thinking about the future ...

hmmm... but anyways welcome to Spring !