post trip depression

I don't think I suffer from depression - but I do feel the subtle ups and downs of the carefree life.  the darkest moments are probably when you are alone and have nothing to do .. hence I travel a lot and stay on the go to keep things interesting. it's a bit superficial though - at least without a purpose.  my purpose (as shallow as it may be) it to get to diamond 100k tier status this year on ANA!!  

anyways I was back and this weekend while there are Halloween parties I don't feel in the mood .. I feel like trying to focus on my diet.  I slept a lot.  watched more LoL championship matches on YouTube...  yep recipe for disaster 

I don't understand it myself.  but I guess I often still feel something is missing in life.  I don't think it's kids - maybe a dog ?  or maybe just more purpose.  but it comes and goes ..

I sincerely believe I'm in the rare 1% that isn't struggling, is free, and is smart enough that it troubles us to have a life that's a bit "safe".  it troubles us that while others are locked in their jobs due to bills or mortgage, that I don't do anything different to them.. I'm like a caged animal with an unlocked door, who just complains !

but alas it takes passion.

over the past 5 months I've come to enjoy my lifestyle more and am starting to accept it.  I will still have my ups and downs but overall I'm embracing 40s life as a bachelor spending foolishly and not worrying about kids, retirement, or hitting it big.  I think it's a good thing - to try n just be happy and a bit more carefree.  (or maybe I've been doing it too long now? haha)

anyways life moves on

I beat tom in tennis

 6-7 6-2 3-2*

*sudden death time limit