The GF situation post-analysis

Well I went thru some loneliness and post-breakup depression, when coupled with being sick it really brings you down (or brings me down).

But in the end, the gf and I are broken up but we are on good terms.   So I feel cool about it -- she was a nice gal, the analysis:


positive:
- young and energetic
- cute and tall, physically very attractive and athletic
- not rich but well off family
- pretty clean
- overall good gal, nice to family and friends etc, a proper gal i think

the negative:
- kinda lazy and hard to motivate
- not the smartest gal and doesn't really see cause-effect of things
- not as focused or driven as i'd like
- big age gap is probably biggest issue

So nobody is perfect, but to be honest, because she was cute and young and nice, I was pretty much ready to settle down w/ her and get married despite the issues I knew would come back (age, motivation, etc).  I know myself and it is more of a giving up on life moreso than having found the perfect gal to complement me.   At my age, i don't seek perfection.. I accept that I get what I get and if it works I go with it, and if it doesn't then exit hopefully without harm.

I dunno if its a good lifestyle.. but I can live with it.  But I will miss the gf, she was a good one.

Its an Opus One kind of evening

Well its an Opus one kind of month...

- turned 40
- girlfriend and I broke up
- got sick twice in 30 days

Feeling depressed about it all and again pondering the meaning of life.  I'll probably know by this point that there is no real meaning, life is just a cycle -- you do what you want while you are alive and when its over, you become dust in the wind.

So living without angst is probably best... but I'm deep down more emotional than I may seem.  So I go thru these cycles of weakeness in the heart and later rebound I guess to be my usual calm and baroque self.

Anyways tonight I drink cheap wine because other than the above,  I also recently feel like I'm making zero progress towards making it rich!