One year plan

I often ponder the idea of taking one year off

I approach 40 - - I cannot predict in any way my future or fate in life. Should I die tomorrow this would be one of my greatest regrets to not focus enough time to try and find myself.

I realize though with almost certainty that after one year off I will realize I am nowhere further in finding myself.... The question is whether the journey is needed or not.

I can continue on - spending 22 days a year on holidays and getting by at work... Making good  money saving for a house and etc... The question is opportunity cost vs time. One year off is like - 100k minimum to the bottom line. Lost wages and cash burn.... What to do.

I must meditate.....

Obsession

I know its so weird, but i was reading about why men like boobs.
I feel obsessed at times over it..  maybe I'm sick?  I dunno.  But I definitely find them tantalizing as most men do.

Anyways one must not let these desires destroy us... its so easy to become obsessed.

I had a long vacation where my buddy got married.  He married a nice wealthy lawyer.  It made me think.. is that what I should do?  He took his assets and doubled or quadripled them w/ marriage.. and even with raising a family will be set for a nice retirement now (assuming she doesn't flip out and divorce and sue him later).

My last few gf's (in Japan of course) are those that are negative draws on my financials and possibility of retirement..  take my assets and divide and reduce them..  perhaps I am realizing the right thing to do.  Not so much to marry into money, but to marry into a situation that doesn't bring you down..

Though I am thinking only $ and materially.  Perhaps I need to think wholistically...  is there a price for a good mother, true love, and youth ?   Yeah its called 1/2 of your wealth.

lol