When I think of upon the meaning of life, or at least the meaning of my life, the idea of building a legacy (children) isn't always up there as the pinnacle of things. I'd probably say building a world changing invention like vapoorizor would be up there....
I know others say thats their goal -- to create a legacy [of wealth and of people] that generations can remember or trace back to. Perhaps in tomorrows world, with everything recorded on the Internet the idea of descendents will be bit more interesting as you can really get to know them by looking at their facebook timeline. When I think about my ancestors I can say I barely know anything and I suspect most people don't know more than a few sentences about anyone over 2-3 generations up the chain. In fact most people probably don't care who great-great-grandpop was.
So the building of a legacy... why does it not interest me? Is it because I'm selfish? or is it because I'm not selfish and don't have so much pride in my own existence to feel the need to have it replicated into offspring? I'm not sure -- at times I feel disconnected to society in this regard.
BTW as i type this I am watching the sun rise @ 530am -- an awesome/beautiful sight from my 25th story hotel room overlooking the seas -- now that is cool shit.
Back to legacy -- I had asked a coworker why he wants to have kids. Some people look at me when I ask this like I'm crazy, but seriously, I need to ask people "why do you want to have kids" and I ask them to explain it to me like I'm an alien. Coworker had an interesting perspective, he said he was one of 5 kids, and he had good memories of the family, activities, brotherhood, and he could see how much his dad loved it, and even today when he talks to his dad he can see how much his dad loves seeing his kids etc. So he wants to recreate that kind of loving and happy environment for himself.
It struck me -- as a real answer. Not some bullshit I typically expect to hear or non-answers to the question.
I had a good childhood, but somehow my memories are bit more scarred which makes me worry about the downside than strive to enjoy the upside of it all. Its the same way one would look at playing craps, stock market, or having unprotected sex. There is pleasure and pain in it and you have to hedge your risks because not playing is not a lot of fun.
1 more week of vacation left. Yah :)
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
Stolen Snowboard
I had a dream I was snowboarding with many coworkers and colleagues etc
I went into a shop -- musta been at niseko or whistler or something, and put my board outside of it and at some point my board was hanging at the top of the doorway, then later it was missing ! I was appauled and shocked. I was screaming about my bindings.. my new bindings
Overall it was bizzare but I recall the emotion and pain as 1) I wanted to frantically go snowboarding and 2) was shocked someone would steal my stuff.
Also odd all my coworkers were in my dream.. maybe cause I'm on vacation I am missing everyone ??/
I went into a shop -- musta been at niseko or whistler or something, and put my board outside of it and at some point my board was hanging at the top of the doorway, then later it was missing ! I was appauled and shocked. I was screaming about my bindings.. my new bindings
Overall it was bizzare but I recall the emotion and pain as 1) I wanted to frantically go snowboarding and 2) was shocked someone would steal my stuff.
Also odd all my coworkers were in my dream.. maybe cause I'm on vacation I am missing everyone ??/
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Working in Banking Tech -- what a waste
Revelation -- working in banking tech is a waste of effort.
Do you really get paid more ?? maybe a little, or maybe for some .. but nowadays banking profits are down so much that I doubt the margin is much these days (with 0 bonuses for many).
Lifestyle sucks (long hours, stuffy environment, demanding traders) and ultimately the banks have 0 real assets and IP. When the bank has a bad year or two, it has to cut people -- there is no profit stream recurring from the milking of Windows XYZ, or Oracle ABC's newest version. Hence banking is down and there are so many layoffs I can't imagine how anyone could feel secure.
Thus.. my last 6-7 yrs in banking has it been a waste of time? Hmmm I ponder if I could ever go back to being a software developer at some place... then again I was never that great a developer so maybe doesn't matter. But is it too late, can I still break out of this, and would it make any sense to?
Nah probably not worth it.. best to just take my chances, I'm so far along down the river at this point.
Do you really get paid more ?? maybe a little, or maybe for some .. but nowadays banking profits are down so much that I doubt the margin is much these days (with 0 bonuses for many).
Lifestyle sucks (long hours, stuffy environment, demanding traders) and ultimately the banks have 0 real assets and IP. When the bank has a bad year or two, it has to cut people -- there is no profit stream recurring from the milking of Windows XYZ, or Oracle ABC's newest version. Hence banking is down and there are so many layoffs I can't imagine how anyone could feel secure.
Thus.. my last 6-7 yrs in banking has it been a waste of time? Hmmm I ponder if I could ever go back to being a software developer at some place... then again I was never that great a developer so maybe doesn't matter. But is it too late, can I still break out of this, and would it make any sense to?
Nah probably not worth it.. best to just take my chances, I'm so far along down the river at this point.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
The D man
I hung out w/ the D-man.
I found it bit different... I can't remember if D-man reads this blog, I don't think so. Highly doubt it but it would prob be better if I knew who was reading so I don't say anything offensive.
Anyways the only things to note is that its been a while since I spent more than 1hr with the D-man. I probably haven't talked to him for more than a few minutes. Overall he seems very happy and excited in life to take on new adventures. At times he seems distant or disconnected -- now I'm not sure if its because we are having a general disconnect from the years or if he's tired from travel or has alot still on his mind which he lapses into at times.
None the less it was good to catch up. It is sad to let friends drift apart -- esp in this day with skype, chat, whatsApp -- no reason why we can't all get along better!
Pic sitting at Wynn.
Funny story, apparently 2 times in Bali someone asked D-man if that dude in the pic is his son. That dude Ryan is same age as us!! Ryan looks really young... but lol
I found it bit different... I can't remember if D-man reads this blog, I don't think so. Highly doubt it but it would prob be better if I knew who was reading so I don't say anything offensive.
Anyways the only things to note is that its been a while since I spent more than 1hr with the D-man. I probably haven't talked to him for more than a few minutes. Overall he seems very happy and excited in life to take on new adventures. At times he seems distant or disconnected -- now I'm not sure if its because we are having a general disconnect from the years or if he's tired from travel or has alot still on his mind which he lapses into at times.
None the less it was good to catch up. It is sad to let friends drift apart -- esp in this day with skype, chat, whatsApp -- no reason why we can't all get along better!
Pic sitting at Wynn.
Funny story, apparently 2 times in Bali someone asked D-man if that dude in the pic is his son. That dude Ryan is same age as us!! Ryan looks really young... but lol
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Day trading death
Okay broke the rules, held FB puts all week until expiry and was wiped out!!! ugggg... I believe a few posts ago I mentioned how its okay to lose if you get out when you planned to. So I had a catrosphic $10k loss (100 x 27 puts @ .95). Hmm sets me back for the experiment.
I may or may not try again, bit depressing. Tis life....
Guess I won't buy the Vacheron I been saving for w/ day trading funds.
But really it makes me realize nobody can tell which way the market is going to go.. its so random. Only thing you can do is cut losses, risk manage. The rest is up to the lord.
I may or may not try again, bit depressing. Tis life....
Guess I won't buy the Vacheron I been saving for w/ day trading funds.
But really it makes me realize nobody can tell which way the market is going to go.. its so random. Only thing you can do is cut losses, risk manage. The rest is up to the lord.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
more FB trading
I forget what day I'm on but today in an otherwise bull market:
Bought FB 26 puts 205 @ .65 -- (add a new button "buy on bid" rather than market on TD).
Sold @ .75 for about $2k gain (- fees so shy of +$1800) ! Was trying for 300 but fill didn't make it.
The option dropped to $.50 late session and I was tempted to go back in, but bit sleepy and my target is $1k/day so didn't want to get greedy. Closed at $.80 !! Argg another big gain missed.
The spreads on FB is bit high, 5-10 cents. Not sure why, JPM spreads are like a few pennies, but FB 5-10.. i think its just volatility and brokers spreading wide because of the swings.
FB is good to trade because it swings violently in the day in each direction. Looking at JPM options its so stagnant.. would die waiting. I need to find something similar to FB with clear direction (down) and lot of intraday movement.
FB fairy tail is going to end soon... sadly I'm not making or risking big $$ -- which is okay, the point of this exercise is to make lucky wins consistently and learn the woes of day trading.
Bought FB 26 puts 205 @ .65 -- (add a new button "buy on bid" rather than market on TD).
Sold @ .75 for about $2k gain (- fees so shy of +$1800) ! Was trying for 300 but fill didn't make it.
The option dropped to $.50 late session and I was tempted to go back in, but bit sleepy and my target is $1k/day so didn't want to get greedy. Closed at $.80 !! Argg another big gain missed.
The spreads on FB is bit high, 5-10 cents. Not sure why, JPM spreads are like a few pennies, but FB 5-10.. i think its just volatility and brokers spreading wide because of the swings.
FB is good to trade because it swings violently in the day in each direction. Looking at JPM options its so stagnant.. would die waiting. I need to find something similar to FB with clear direction (down) and lot of intraday movement.
FB fairy tail is going to end soon... sadly I'm not making or risking big $$ -- which is okay, the point of this exercise is to make lucky wins consistently and learn the woes of day trading.
Death approaches all
I'm almost 40.
Last night I felt some bump in my groin area. I thought oh shit, I have cancer.
This morning I was bit worried so skipped work to go to doc. I read alot of net info and self-diagnosed that I don't have cancer, I have a inguinal hernia - where some of my gut has protruded into my leg cavity via the hole where my nuts had once passed down while my body formed in the womb.
I even told my boss I have a hernia and may need surgery. I felt sad and thought damn.. its because i'm so fat... need to stay more fit.
Waited 2hrs at doc office. Doc feels my groin and says "hmm this is a lymphnode" you probably have some infection. I said wtf ? He said no that can't be hernia its wrong place.
I was like oh shit. Dang. Antibiotics. Maybe its that fatal new Gonohrea strain ?
Makes me think.. life is short am I really living the right life? Should I have some wife take care of me at home and shit or should I live the life of solitude?
On other front, I am writing an iphone app. It is going to be big. I need to get a patent.
Last night I felt some bump in my groin area. I thought oh shit, I have cancer.
This morning I was bit worried so skipped work to go to doc. I read alot of net info and self-diagnosed that I don't have cancer, I have a inguinal hernia - where some of my gut has protruded into my leg cavity via the hole where my nuts had once passed down while my body formed in the womb.
I even told my boss I have a hernia and may need surgery. I felt sad and thought damn.. its because i'm so fat... need to stay more fit.
Waited 2hrs at doc office. Doc feels my groin and says "hmm this is a lymphnode" you probably have some infection. I said wtf ? He said no that can't be hernia its wrong place.
I was like oh shit. Dang. Antibiotics. Maybe its that fatal new Gonohrea strain ?
Makes me think.. life is short am I really living the right life? Should I have some wife take care of me at home and shit or should I live the life of solitude?
On other front, I am writing an iphone app. It is going to be big. I need to get a patent.
Day trading day 3 and 4
Day 3: bought FB puts 110 @ .74 sold at .85 for $1200 gain - fees or about $1040 gain. They spiked to like $1.15 to close so if I held.. would made 3x more!
Day 4: bought FB calls 100 @ $1, waiting for bounce, but had to sell at $.95 for $550 loss + fees so like $700 negative. Uggg... these closed at like $1.50 so again damn damn damn missed out.
But lesson here is to stay disciplined... I am okay with losing if I sell on my planned exit points and missed out on gains later. But if I sell outside my limit and take a big loss or don't sell when I planned to and miss my gains then I should be very pissed.
I still feel this is total gambling game. Its kinda fun though. ]
Day 4: bought FB calls 100 @ $1, waiting for bounce, but had to sell at $.95 for $550 loss + fees so like $700 negative. Uggg... these closed at like $1.50 so again damn damn damn missed out.
But lesson here is to stay disciplined... I am okay with losing if I sell on my planned exit points and missed out on gains later. But if I sell outside my limit and take a big loss or don't sell when I planned to and miss my gains then I should be very pissed.
I still feel this is total gambling game. Its kinda fun though. ]
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Day trading day 1 and 2
Day 0 -
Thinking to buy those fb 30 puts
Or long vxx
No money in account yet...
Day 1 -
Long fb and sold for $80 loss
Short Vxx and cover for +40.
Close day -40 to test waters
Day 2 -
Puts on fb - close for +880
Realized i screwed up on vxx and instead of cover short I had a long and short position
Realization this is purely gambling and kind of stressful as the intraday moves per second have no rationale
Thinking to buy those fb 30 puts
Or long vxx
No money in account yet...
Day 1 -
Long fb and sold for $80 loss
Short Vxx and cover for +40.
Close day -40 to test waters
Day 2 -
Puts on fb - close for +880
Realized i screwed up on vxx and instead of cover short I had a long and short position
Realization this is purely gambling and kind of stressful as the intraday moves per second have no rationale
Partnership
I feel down this weekend
Right now my gf is pure liability and net drag negative when u think on a financial basis.
I suppose she brings joy youth and household benefits but the question really is what do I want ?
I think I realize i want to maintain a high standard of living... Meaning trouble for my current situation.
Hmmmm
Right now my gf is pure liability and net drag negative when u think on a financial basis.
I suppose she brings joy youth and household benefits but the question really is what do I want ?
I think I realize i want to maintain a high standard of living... Meaning trouble for my current situation.
Hmmmm
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