The work blues

I am reaching the typical 2-3yr working blues.

I am wondering what to do... I think what I need is to change my job inside the company somehow.  Learn something new... do something totally different.  I wonder if I can move into an Equities Tech role or get a job as a developer again.

Thats what people often do, get promoted and stuff and manage a big team like I'm doing now, then take a step back down (and keep the salary!) and just be a developer.  Sometimes it works, sometimes you get fired cause you are overpaid, and sometimes you return to being a manager later.

Either way I am thinking come Jan/Feb if the job market is better I may consider an intra-company move...  need some change.

Though if I have a baby or dog, then this role is great!!

New Era Awaits!

Okay nothing so deep.

I'm fighting to get into shape.  My legs are sore all the time from minor jogging or leg presses.  Lately I had to take off a bit as my back got really sore, and got worse when I tried to carry my gf off the bed (non-sexual)..  ouch.  Getting old, I think i was hear "my back going out"..

In other news.. I'm back w/ the gf.  She was very sweet when my mom was here.. and my sister too.  She has a very solid side to her, which is very proper, very caring, and very sweet about things like family.  Compare to Miss Korea who seemed bit more annoyed to have mom around..  and trust me, thats normal cause I'm also annoyed, but at least putting up a good show for the inlaws is expected.  I think the gf didn't put on such a show -- but seems to like family life so having mom/sis around was somewhat normal for her.   Plus, other than my mom being super lazy, she is really easy person to be around.

I got whiff of a job at Schmoldan Gachs..  I may apply.  Even though I know I have an easy job, and a good cash cow.. i keep chasing the ultimate satisfaction.  I know it can't get better in terms of schedule (ok I work alot of eves w NY but otherwise its 930-630pm) and ability to take full holidays (22 vacation + 15 national holidays) a year.  Couple that with a wide range of responsibilities and power structure where I'm the bosses' right hand man.. why give this up?  Hmm.. analysis.s....

Why consider:
1) SG is the top name.  Even though its died alot since peak it still is like a MSFT on the downturn or Google a few years from now..
2) Pay maybe better.. do i need more money though?  I really just need time.
3) Brand name may help me find new job again oneday.. in SoCal for example
4) Kinda bored, kinda feel like I'm doing nothing extraordinary
5) Get 2-3 month vacation between jobs!

Why not consider..
A) Changing jobs as a manager is highly risky.  Nobody is watching your back.  Its all about politics and connections mid/sr management.  No friends, then u r likely to get whacked.
B) Pay is risky unless you can get guarantees.  Not the market to get guaranteed $
C) More $ maybe, more HRS certainly
D) After all the job changes and hunting I've done in life.. I found jobs are all just jobs..
E) I have a spotty job history.. every 2-3yrs.. doesn't sound so hot.

So its just a thought.  I like interviewing.. I feel it keeps me aware of the market.  Hence I may just interview for "kicks".   SG is the only company I failed at twice as well.  Damn..  1st time not quite failure, but 2nd was indeed.

Its sundy.. I lit up a Cohiba Siglo II and am vegging..

Pondering whta new snow gear to buy.. looks like I missed a great sale on Patagonia online!  dammit..

Hitting it hard this season on Snow (side conversation on cashflow)

I have planned already 6 major trips for snowboarding

Furano Dec 15 [2 days]
Niseko Dec 22 [ 3 days]
Niseko Dec 29 [ 6 days]
Niseko Jan 12 [3 days]
Hakkoda Feb 11 [4 days]
Alaska Mar 31 [5 days]

I may do another Niseko Jan 31 to meet some friends.

Cost is bit crazy, let me revise the list with costs..

Furano Dec 15 [2 days] - $400
Niseko Dec 22 [ 3 days] - paying for gf, so $1000
Niseko Dec 29 [ 6 days] - $2500
Niseko Jan 12 [3 days] - $600 (if pay for gf, then double)
Hakkoda Feb 11 [4 days] - $600
Alaska Mar 31 [5 days] - $8000  (!!!)
    Omg that is a total of like $13,100 already and thats only the major trips??  Hmm....


So... am I nuts or what.   Hmmm.. yes I am.. but I see the end near, my body can't maintain this shit.  I go running and I'm sore for a few days.  Hence.. I will hit it hard this year.  Then we'll see.  Jan-Mar is a blitz on me.  I tend to barely make it thru work.. so tired everyday.. Mon/Tues/Weds is soreness.. and I feel I gotta retire.. then Thurs/Fri I get motivated to go again.  Its sick... hehe


To be honest, my cashflow isn't so good these days.  Not exactly making any money in stock....  had to pay $13k or so for my mom's hospital bills..    just flew to HKG for fun, then flying to Vegas, SGP, India in Nov...   I'm in danger of becoming like Bao or KK... or the government in terms of fiscal irresponsibility...

single life.. what can i say ?

What of Life and Marriage

Every so often I get the bug... like I think yeah its time I should get married -- the gf is the best I'll ever do.

Then I have a little annoyance w/ the gf and i think nah forget it, I like being single and I dont wanna deal with this crap.

Am I bi-polar?

I must admit I am petty....

Some say marry wealthy girls.. some say marry fertility..  really though whats the key?  Probably knowing what you are getting into is first step to it all.   And hopefully the wife knows what she's also getting into. Expectation setting -- very key.

Case in point: marry a hot young model -- expectation:  the man -- you will treat her like a model princess forever -- the female -- you will forever be super hot and sexy.   Clearly doomed to fail.

So the reality of it is - the simplest of marriages may work the best.   It also helps to marry younger.. before you have seen and witnessed how shitty it can really be.. and how your friends are divorcing and complaining etc....

Wealth accumulation with marriage?  Hmm... I often think yeah maybe i should date one of these successful sales gals who make as much as I do.. but then what if they spend as much as I do -- does that really help generate wealth?  Because imagine you both make 250k each, total income a whopping 500k.. lets break this down to standard lifestyle:
 250k salary
 -100k taxes
 - 30k rent
 - 30k food/etc
 - 20k clothes, personal upkeep (execute sales gals and guys gotta look good eh?)
 - 20k travel (5-star hotels only!)
 - 10k taxi or car
Whats left -- add that up -- its a running rate of like 80k a year, + rent.  You may just save 50k a year after it all.

So you combine and get married, while you are DINK, you take the same equation, reduce rent by almost 1/2, but all other expenses remain so... you save 65k a year instead of 50k.

Then you get married have a kid.. wife maybe quits work ??  So now we have
250k salary
-90k taxes
-40k rent
-xyz costs
I think we are screwed see what I mean - girl is used to owning Prada shoes.. and is she really going to drop down to Kmart quality?   And I'm using to owning $600 cordovan shoes, am I gonna drop to Rockports ?

So.. in the end it kinda doesn't matter.. i guess best thing is marry a rich gal who lives poor (right and how many of those do we know??).   Plan B is pretend to be poor, marry a poor girl, and hide your cash.   That would be great...

Why am I worried about this anyways...

Long lost

Lately I am ok going to the office I don't hate it. I rather enjoy many parts of it... Am I Crazy hmmm maybe

Anyways I had a thought to concentrate an work on my android iPhone google app... But haven't yet started ... I had this thought while I was chilling by myself outside Hong Kong ... By myself the Solomon style

Winter loneliness

Winter is coming

There is also a typhoon hitting right now....

Over Xmas and new years.. I maybe going to niseko alone for a few days or will tag w my young coworker and his wife maybe...  sad

Its the product of 1 gf has shitty jobs and can't get away, 2 have too young a gf, 3 not married and 4 have too much time on my hands

Hmmm I love snow but can I really spend 11 nights in niseko???

Maybe I will hop around bit between niseko and local spots like hakuba hummmmm... yes boring post

The Layoffs

Today an ex-colleague of mine in tech got fired.  He was a trader the last 1.5 years.  Once being a trader meant you were destined for fame, fortune, and f***ing... now you are just getting f***ed...

In equities they had 6 traders/sales I think get fired.

More to come!  Exciting times indeed.

But whatever thats fine.. I actually dont care about job life so much.  I feel I do okay work, but its a hassle.  As I move up, and inherit teams and work w/ other people it gets political.  What does that mean?  It means people are suspicious and people are ambitious and nervous about their job, and people don't like people.  As a manager I get in the middle of it, because I have teams here and teams there and there are personality conflicts and I have to deal with it to make it work.  Boss like some people doesn't like some, etc etc.. and in the end its politics because people naturally look to take sides, but then don't want to get in trouble later so they take sides strategically.

Upcoming trips:
 Oct 4-8 - HKG and swing by MFM of course
 Nov 8-11 - Vegas
 Nov 14-15 - Singapore
 Nov 16-19 - India for wedding !
 Dec 14-16 - snow season starts in Furano, Hokkaido
 Dec 22-25 - Niseko !
 Dec 29-Jan 2 - Niseko again ???  (not booked yet.. )

Wow now that I look at this.. I have to ask myself.. why am I going to Niseko, then back and then Niseko again... wtf  Hmm I may have to think about this again, maybe I will do Niseko for like 10 days.

Mission in Life

I desperately need a mission in life.

I don't know what to do to discover it though.  I wonder whats wrong with me.   Let me look at my life.

The good:
- I have a good job
- I have money
- I have a 24yo girlfriend who is nice and pretty
- I am pretty healthy

The bad:
- No passion in life
- No serious hobbies outside Snowboarding
- Mom is in bad health
- Sometimes feel lack of brotherhood of friends next to me

I'm not sure what gap to fill.  I don't sleep well at night because I think about this stuff... only thing keeping me connected to reality is probably work.   And I often think about removing that work part of the equation.. as I do the gf part.  If I let go of all the material things, what I have left.. is real ?  Or is it nothing?

Maybe I'll go buy that $20,000 Vacheron Constantin watch in Nov when I swing thru Singapore.  That should keep me happy for a few days.

Hmmm... guess I'll have a beer and read a book tonight.   I really want to get off my ass and finish my iphone program.  Uggg...

Mom

<p>I'm taking care of mom this week</p>
<p>Its good to do...&nbsp; she needs help cause she is on crutches and barely walking but it makes me wonder  what her life is gonna be like in the next years and if my life when I am dying will be similarly void of perceivable joy

Life is tough man... ahmen

Goal planning has ceased

Its sad, my goal planning as like totally ceased.
I used to write down goals and review them.
Between 1996 and 2005 i was probably incredible focused in life.  I had goals, I made milestones and achieved stuff.  I had books I wanted to read, stuff I wanted to study, graduate school, earnings milestones etc.

Now.. I just vegetate collecting paychecks and looking around for random girls to date.  I live a carefree life but it is starting to take a toll on me.

Work-wise career is flying. Weird, i don't care about work so much, but I am going a fine job.  Global heads like me, boss likes me, everyone likes me.  I started to think that Asia is ultimate for me.. I'm asian, I have solid communciation skills and people genuinely seem to like me.  I find myself to be in the ultimate middle-man job, I coordinate between NY/LDN and Asia, and between all of Asia.  I am doing nothing in particular but just passing around info and guiding.  weird role.. but its ok, it comes natural to me do to nothing.  haha

Anyways my goal this year is really simple
- Lose bit of weight, start running or something
- Find new passion in life, maybe Guild Wars 2
- Think about my future and make some decisions (work, love, life)

Fatherhood Unveiled

My coworker had his baby.
The guy is the most anti-father guy I know.  His dad left him before, so he has his own reasons.  He was pushed to marry a gal and father the baby...  i know the feeling and he has second thoughts.  But he is now a father!   He ought to start his blog...    even to the day before the kid came he was thinking "damn i hope the baby doens't make it" -- haha sick but true.  he's very frank that is important.

The issue we have is nobody wants to discuss the dark side..  i'm sure there are many dads or moms who didn't want a kid and now that they have one they hate it.  However all we can ever really hear is "oh you'll love it when you have one" or "i love my kids but they drive me crazy sometimes" or its tough blah blah blah.

Reddit had a great analogy
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/jsvjy/are_there_any_parents_out_there_that_dislike/


"Are there any high school dropouts out there?"

*"I finished high school."
*"I did too"
*"I thought about dropping out, then didn't"
*"My cousin seems like the kind of guy that might drop out.. we'll see"
*"I didn't think I was gonna finish high school, but then I did."
*"You'll finish high school, don't worry about it.
*"Yeah dude, you'll definately finish high school, even if you think you won't."
*"I'm a high school dropout! ... Just kidding, I'm a novelty account, haha."
 permalink


Same thing happened when a redditor wanted to know about childfree older couples who don't regret it. 500 comments saying "We're really glad we had kids!" or "I'm only 17, but I somehow know you'll definitely regret not having them!"

What I find fascinating about Reddit, specially Ask Reddit and IAmA, is the ability to find out about other people's lives and what they really think about things.

But it never works when the question is taboo. You just get 500 comments supporting the status quo, and any comment that answers honestly is buried.

Another one:
http://parenting.blogs.

nytimes.com/2011/06/10/a-
father-with-regrets/

Anyways I question it because i'm not sure either, and I hate to be filled with regret.  Then again I hate not having tried and never knowing....

If i could only live two lives and find out which is better... alas I only live once.

Can I go back to SV ?

I wonder..  can I make it back to Silicon valley?

- bay area is indeed nice
- no action and no bay billiards so bit boring maybe (there are always options as Tombo knows)
- bay area has 2 ex-gf's to avoid uggg
- but bay area is so snooty.. i hate that part its so rich and elite.  thats what keeps housing hot but also depressing for rest of us losers.
- sis doesn't live in bay area.. no family around

But ultimately the bay has jobs!  if i can get one still...  i just read an article on how Google pays families for 10 years 50% of a workers salary if they die as extra benefit on top of life insurance.  Omg man are you nuts.  That is like 5x salary payout which is way more than any other company w/ their builtin life insurance policies.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/meghancasserly/2012/08/08/heres-what-happens-to-google-employees-when-they-die/

Compare to my job.. no future.. no benefits.  Can't even get money to take a class or few $k for training some poor lacky.

The other problem is pay differential.. i heard SV folks can now make $150k salaries. I have no idea if thats true but wow... back in 2005 when I last looked, $120k was top pay I could ever find.  I dont think it was just a poor search because as I have stated many times i have searched for more jobs than people dream about.

So back in 2005 it was Financial boomtime..  maybe SV jobs paid $120k + benefits / stock, but Financial firms paid $150k base + $50k bonuses so it was an obvious cash cow.  Turn the clock forward, if tech pays $150k + death benefits, and banks are stuck at $150k base + almost 0 bonuses.. you tell me whats going to happen... ?   Well nobody is going to join the banking tech groups anymore.

The red herring (for me) is that banks dont lower pay for old timers because its too demoralizing.  Guys who joined earlier will still make their $200k but its been made clear they are overpaid and its not going up.   New joiners are also stuck at where they were on pay baselines.  So what you have are old guys sitting on nice 'legacy' pay packages (many at $300k+) with nowhere to go without a huge pay cut.. and no incentive to bust chops and earn any more.   We are screwed.   So they (we) sit and wait.. try to get a few more paychecks in.. before the end...

But you don't want to be the last to jump off the sinking ship do you?  Timing is the perennial question.  When is the bottom or is there one?

This is my issue..  i feel i may want to take what cash i have, buy a house and life the easy life... hmmm

maybe i should see if i can still code or not

Of Baby's and LIfe

Wow my coworker who is alot like me..  a loser, 42, well set with investments, making good money but no wife, no kids, no gf, and highly demotivated... is having a baby !

Seems everyone moves on.. moves forward or i dunno.  He's absolutely terrified because he doesn't really love the gal as far as he's said, and doesn't want to have kids, get married or anything.. but somehow when push comes to shove he's committed!  Wow i'm amazed.   if this guy can commit then why can't I?

hmmm anyways it doesn't make me wanna go impregnate someone but makes me wonder.  should i roam this earth alone or what.

this year i am going to try to buy a house/duplex somewhere, then snowboard alaska and next year try to take 1yr vacation.  thats all i want to focus on for now.

I'm pooing

Imagine how many people surf Web while pooing nowadays

The average time in toilet must be a lot higher now

Lost productivity?

Finance Industry has me worried it is a downward spiral or is it a cycle? Dot com was a bust people would say that was once in a lifetime but it never died nor did anyone really think tech was dead... People just got more cautious about throwing money into any tech project.

I'm at a Twilight of my life where I earn good cash for doing stuff not deeply technical.... I ponder the next 10+ years...

One year plan

I often ponder the idea of taking one year off

I approach 40 - - I cannot predict in any way my future or fate in life. Should I die tomorrow this would be one of my greatest regrets to not focus enough time to try and find myself.

I realize though with almost certainty that after one year off I will realize I am nowhere further in finding myself.... The question is whether the journey is needed or not.

I can continue on - spending 22 days a year on holidays and getting by at work... Making good  money saving for a house and etc... The question is opportunity cost vs time. One year off is like - 100k minimum to the bottom line. Lost wages and cash burn.... What to do.

I must meditate.....

Obsession

I know its so weird, but i was reading about why men like boobs.
I feel obsessed at times over it..  maybe I'm sick?  I dunno.  But I definitely find them tantalizing as most men do.

Anyways one must not let these desires destroy us... its so easy to become obsessed.

I had a long vacation where my buddy got married.  He married a nice wealthy lawyer.  It made me think.. is that what I should do?  He took his assets and doubled or quadripled them w/ marriage.. and even with raising a family will be set for a nice retirement now (assuming she doesn't flip out and divorce and sue him later).

My last few gf's (in Japan of course) are those that are negative draws on my financials and possibility of retirement..  take my assets and divide and reduce them..  perhaps I am realizing the right thing to do.  Not so much to marry into money, but to marry into a situation that doesn't bring you down..

Though I am thinking only $ and materially.  Perhaps I need to think wholistically...  is there a price for a good mother, true love, and youth ?   Yeah its called 1/2 of your wealth.

lol

My legacy -- or lack of

When I think of upon the meaning of life, or at least the meaning of my life, the idea of building a legacy (children) isn't always up there as the pinnacle of things.  I'd probably say building a world changing invention like vapoorizor would be up there....

I know others say thats their goal -- to create a legacy [of wealth and of people] that generations can remember or trace back to.   Perhaps in tomorrows world, with everything recorded on the Internet the idea of descendents will be bit more interesting as you can really get to know them by looking at their facebook timeline.  When I think about my ancestors I can say I barely know anything and I suspect most people don't know more than a few sentences about anyone over 2-3 generations up the chain.  In fact most people probably don't care who great-great-grandpop was.

So the building of a legacy... why does it not interest me?   Is it because I'm selfish?  or is it because I'm not selfish and don't have so much pride in my own existence to feel the need to have it replicated into offspring?  I'm not sure -- at times I feel disconnected to society in this regard.

BTW as i type this I am watching the sun rise @ 530am -- an awesome/beautiful sight from my 25th story hotel room overlooking the seas -- now that is cool shit. 
Back to legacy -- I had asked a coworker why he wants to have kids.  Some people look at me when I ask this like I'm crazy, but seriously, I need to ask people "why do you want to have kids" and I ask them to explain it to me like I'm an alien.  Coworker had an interesting perspective, he said he was one of 5 kids, and he had good memories of the family, activities, brotherhood, and he could see how much his dad loved it, and even today when he talks to his dad he can see how much his dad loves seeing his kids etc.  So he wants to recreate that kind of loving and happy environment for himself.

It struck me -- as a real answer.  Not some bullshit I typically expect to hear or non-answers to the question.  

I had a good childhood, but somehow my memories are bit more scarred which makes me worry about the downside than strive to enjoy the upside of it all.  Its the same way one would look at playing craps, stock market, or having unprotected sex.  There is pleasure and pain in it and you have to hedge your risks because not playing is not a lot of fun.

1 more week of vacation left.  Yah :)

Stolen Snowboard

I had a dream I was snowboarding with many coworkers and colleagues etc

I went into a shop -- musta been at niseko or whistler or something, and put my board outside of it and at some point my board was hanging at the top of the doorway, then later it was missing !   I was appauled and shocked.   I was screaming about my bindings..  my new bindings

Overall it was bizzare but I recall the emotion and pain as 1) I wanted to frantically go snowboarding and 2) was shocked someone would steal my stuff.

Also odd all my coworkers were in my dream.. maybe cause I'm on vacation I am missing everyone ??/

Working in Banking Tech -- what a waste

Revelation -- working in banking tech is a waste of effort.
Do you really get paid more ??  maybe a little, or maybe for some .. but nowadays banking profits are down so much that I doubt the margin is much these days (with 0 bonuses for many).

Lifestyle sucks (long hours, stuffy environment, demanding traders) and ultimately the banks have 0 real assets and IP.  When the bank has a bad year or two, it has to cut people -- there is no profit stream recurring from the milking of Windows XYZ, or Oracle ABC's newest version.   Hence banking is down and there are so many layoffs I can't imagine how anyone could feel secure.

Thus.. my last 6-7 yrs in banking has it been a waste of time?  Hmmm I ponder if I could ever go back to being a software developer at some place...  then again I was never that great a developer so maybe doesn't matter.  But is it too late, can I still break out of this, and would it make any sense to?

Nah probably not worth it.. best to just take my chances, I'm so far along down the river at this point.

The D man

I hung out w/ the D-man.

I found it bit different... I can't remember if D-man reads this blog, I don't think so.  Highly doubt it but it would prob be better if I knew who was reading so I don't say anything offensive.

Anyways the only things to note is that its been a while since I spent more than 1hr with the D-man.  I probably haven't talked to him for more than a few minutes.  Overall he seems very happy and excited in life to take on new adventures.  At times he seems distant or disconnected -- now I'm not sure if its because we are having a general disconnect from the years or if he's tired from travel or has alot still on his mind which he lapses into at times.

None the less it was good to catch up.  It is sad to let friends drift apart -- esp in this day with skype, chat, whatsApp -- no reason why we can't all get along better!

Pic sitting at Wynn.
Funny story, apparently 2 times in Bali someone asked D-man if that dude in the pic is his son.  That dude Ryan is same age as us!!   Ryan looks really young... but lol

Day trading death

Okay broke the rules, held FB puts all week until expiry and was wiped out!!!   ugggg...  I believe a few posts ago I mentioned how its okay to lose if you get out when you planned to.  So I had a catrosphic $10k loss (100 x 27 puts @ .95).   Hmm sets me back for the experiment.

I may or may not try again, bit depressing.  Tis life....

Guess I won't buy the Vacheron I been saving for w/ day trading funds.
But really it makes me realize nobody can tell which way the market is going to go.. its so random.  Only thing you can do is cut losses, risk manage.  The rest is up to the lord.

more FB trading

I forget what day I'm on but today in an otherwise bull market:

   Bought FB 26 puts 205 @ .65 -- (add a new button "buy on bid" rather than market on TD).
   Sold @ .75 for about $2k gain (- fees so shy of +$1800) !    Was trying for 300 but fill didn't make it.

The option dropped to $.50 late session and I was tempted to go back in, but bit sleepy and my target is $1k/day so didn't want to get greedy.  Closed at $.80 !!   Argg another big gain missed.

The spreads on FB is bit high, 5-10 cents.  Not sure why, JPM spreads are like a few pennies, but FB 5-10.. i think its just volatility and brokers spreading wide because of the swings.

FB is good to trade because it swings violently in the day in each direction.  Looking at JPM options its so stagnant.. would die waiting.  I need to find something similar to FB with clear direction (down) and lot of intraday movement. 

FB fairy tail is going to end soon...  sadly I'm not making or risking big $$ -- which is okay, the point of this exercise is to make lucky wins consistently and learn the woes of day trading.

Death approaches all

I'm almost 40.
Last night I felt some bump in my groin area.  I thought oh shit, I have cancer.
This morning I was bit worried so skipped work to go to doc.  I read alot of net info and self-diagnosed that I don't have cancer, I have a inguinal hernia - where some of my gut has protruded into my leg cavity via the hole where my nuts had once passed down while my body formed in the womb.

I even told my boss I have a hernia and may need surgery.  I felt sad and thought damn.. its because i'm so fat...  need to stay more fit.

Waited 2hrs at doc office.  Doc feels my groin and says "hmm this is a lymphnode" you probably have some infection.  I said wtf ?   He said no that can't be hernia its wrong place.

I was like oh shit.  Dang.  Antibiotics.  Maybe its that fatal new Gonohrea strain ?

Makes me think.. life is short am I really living the right life?  Should I have some wife take care of me at home and shit or should I live the life of solitude?


On other front, I am writing an iphone app.  It is going to be big.  I need to get a patent.

Day trading day 3 and 4

Day 3:  bought FB puts 110 @ .74 sold at .85 for $1200 gain - fees or about $1040 gain.  They spiked to like $1.15 to close so if I held.. would made 3x more!

Day 4: bought FB calls 100 @ $1, waiting for bounce, but had to sell at $.95 for $550 loss + fees so like $700 negative.  Uggg...  these closed at like $1.50 so again damn damn damn missed out.

But lesson here is to stay disciplined...  I am okay with losing if I sell on my planned exit points and missed out on gains later.  But if I sell outside my limit and take a big loss or don't sell when I planned to and miss my gains then I should be very pissed.

I still feel this is total gambling game.  Its kinda fun though.  ]

Day trading day 1 and 2

Day 0 -
Thinking to buy those fb 30 puts
Or long vxx
No money in account yet...

Day 1 -
Long fb and sold for $80 loss
Short Vxx and cover for +40.
Close day -40 to test waters

Day 2 -
Puts on fb - close for +880
Realized i screwed up on vxx and instead of cover short I had a long and short position

Realization this is purely gambling and kind of stressful as the intraday moves per second have no rationale

Partnership

I feel down this weekend

Right now my gf is pure liability and net drag negative when u think on a financial basis.

I suppose she brings joy youth and household benefits but the question really is what do I want ?

I think I realize i want to maintain a high standard of living... Meaning trouble for my current situation.

Hmmmm

My escape..

My escape maybe to move to an island and day trade at night, program iPhone/Android apps by day.

Options on location...
- Macau
     + mostly speaks english
     + close to civilization (HKG)
     + has casinos and good food, and very safe
- Thailand (Phuket), Philippines
     + cheap
     + speaks english
- Hawaii
     - expensive
     - distracting to be in USA

While its probably a total waste of a year, would set me back in life (?), and lets say $50k+, I ponder if I ought to try it for the summer..  just need to get laid off first!  Damn...

It maybe a plan once my Visa in Japan is renewed... then I can quit and have a "home" to return.  Damn that would be 1 year from now.  But I'll be 40, its the time to do something.

Or maybe my GF is pregnant and I'll just sit home and start a family.  I sometimes need my hand to be forced... so lay me off, fire me, or something ????   I'm a survivor, I will make it.

Day Trading !!!

In japan it would be.. overnight evening trading.

I, like many, often ponder just becoming a professional trader and work from home.. or on the beach.. many do it.. many lose their life savings.  Are they skilled or just lucky?

I'd say as someone working in the finance industry, and witnessing many folks smarter and harder working than me lose alot of money that its luck more than skill.   If you are stupid you will lose 93/100 times, but even smart folks lose 41/100 times.

The idea that if you are disciplined and smart and etc that you can consistently make money is questionable.  I watch pro traders daily.. they are mainly doing the same thing.  They buy on a tick down and wait.  Tick back up sell and take a small gain, tick down and drop for a loss.   Its quite stressful because it ticks down,down,down,down... in a blitz at times, then up,up,up,up etc..  very stressful life and no sleep !

I watched JPM tick by tick the last 5 days and went to sleep at 3am, probably slept 3hrs a day as I played the life of a day trader.. each penny tick was worth +/- $120-150 (depending on the day), I saw unrealized gains/losses of $5k wiped out instantly.  In the end, as I tried to visualize and legitimize the idea of a barrier or chart patterns, I really realize its just luck. Get in at the right time and get out at the right time.

I got into LEH years ago at worse possible times and lost it all.
Got into AAPL at a great time, exited at a great time..  pure luck!
Put on JPM at decent time, got out ..  again luck!

Blankfield from Goldman said it best.. I rather be lucky than smart any day.

Social Network

I watched the Social Network today.
Oustanding 5-star movie.  The timing of my watching had something to do w/ the FB IPO that occured 2 days prior.. but more because

  1. Was alone (gf in Hawaii)
  2. Was bored

Being bored and watching an inspiring movie like this is a great thing to do.  I ought to add this to my list of movies like Rudy and Gattaca.  It really shows how one person with talent and focus can create something.

I often feel like creating something... not sure if its a baby (or 2 or 30), but creating.. some product would be nice.  I doubt I could ever have the drive, talent, nor intuition to make a Facebook (well nobody can given its the largest IPO ever and largest most instant billionaire created ever).

I sometimes see myself quitting my job.. sitting on the beach.. or somewhere, spending a year or two building something in solitude...  but i also feel after a year I'd come to realize that there is no magic bullet.  I'd probably wind up spending a year pondering life not unlike what I'm doing now, but not getting much further along in building financial independence nor any new product/software.

Hehe.. yeah prob best I just collect paychecks...

The grind

I'm back now in the grind

There was a recent article on what creates slacker mind state - http://m.yahoo.com/w/legobpengine/news/dopamine-difference-between-slackers-getters-074100093.html?orig_host_hdr=news.yahoo.com&.intl=US&.lang=en-US

Now It's no mystery I am a slacker and never did go get much in life. My mom kinda same - dad ? Hmmm not sure he seemed like a go getter but maye he was just strict to prevent me from becoming a slacker (like him) ?? God only knows ?

Point of this blog - well not much. At this age I feel I got the easy life but that is the most dangerous state of being. I really need to refocus on all aspects of life:
- health - get into shape
- money - start focusing investments
- family - all in or out
- work - learn new stuff don't slack

Simple as that

Hmmm maybe I'm ready now

While the pundits out there may jest at my life I only have to life w myself and feel happy I made the best decision I could in good faith - mainly I talking about Tombo who routinely mocks me

Anyways I am in Macau relaxing poolside while I wait for some friends and I feel ... Peace and tranquility ... Like harmony. I think I've also started to come to terms w ideas of bearing a family and the stress behind it...

One has to realize something about me to understand my qualms - while many poorer and less able have families I dwell on my past experience of my dad going thru personal financial collapse ... I can only imagine the regret and sorrow at his deathbed having left his family in dire straights... Hence .. Some reservation

But alas I'm almost 40 - I think I can survive the corporate game. I should go for it and get married and have a family.

Yep I will start to focus .....

Note I went to Hugo boss to look at jeans and girl gave me attitude like 1- I'm poor 2- I'm too fat to wear Hugo ! Wtf. And burrberry don't have 30 length pants wtf who in Asia is so tall ?????

Working w/ techies suck

Sometimes it really sucks...
1. Smell factor can be very problematic...
2. Personality disorder, like being very negative, sarcastic, and suspicious of management
3. Lack of any females in general in tech
4. They r smart in general so u can't fool them so easily

Man I hate it. But I love it too .... I leader of the geeks it's not so bad if deep down inside u r one of them

Million $ programmer

Had this idea about programmers...  due to changes at my company of late.

We have a new suite of very sr very highly paid programmers.  We have a very open source env so I poke at some of the code at times.. and I think, is this the work of a programmer that makes $1 million a year?  Company is trending towards having really sr management be hands on programming.. guys who would normally be managing org of 50 (or 20 like me).

Makes me wonder.. is that the future?

Old model was more simple:
 - Very smart product manager driving features
 - Have experience dev manager driving schedules and maintaining process
 - Have master architect thats is guru and has passion to build
 - Have a few sr's, few mid, few jr's, in a rounded dev team
 - Have army of cheap support and QA guys to do routine testing, build, and support

This is more or less how most software was built in the old days and in most companies.  In corp world you pay the top and hire slaves at the bottom because the top guys are enticed to make sure the product has quality... and while u need good programmers, most of programming is routine so you really just need an idea (pm) architect (design), a process (dev manager), and slave programmers to execute effectively

The new age however is to do it I suppose the open source / firefox / linux model.. where developer decides features, codes, tests etc in open source model.  Less distinction on roles.  There is a mastermind/architect, but everyone does everything and everyone should be really good.  In corporate world it means less programmers but everyone is paid more and at times does loser work than a cheap slave could do.

Which is the best model I wonder?

As the world turns

10 years ago, JPY was at 132.63
Today it closes at 82.89


Again thinking in melancholy..  as the world ends in dec-12.. what will i regret in life?

Definitely
1. Not going to 10th HS reunion
2. Not dating more girls in HS and College
3. Not going to Alaska to snowboard
4. Not having really built something or done something significant
5. Wish I focused in HS and College so I could have gone to Stanford

Maybe will I regret questions I'm not sure of:
1.1. Not having a baby ? 
1.2. Not getting married ?
1.3  Not striking it rich ?
1.4  Taking it too easy in life ?
1.5  Didn't spend enough time w/ friends and family ?

Hard to say.. recent article stated most people felt they wish they lived their own life and was true to themselves.. kind of like Jen in Crouching Tiger.. 

I'm not quite dead yet.  But I am 5kg overweight.. saw a recent pic of me.. and my stomach is out there.  I'm trying a new low glycemic thing.. but overall the trick is really more simple.  Eat less.  Exercise more.

Older.. wiser ?

Indeed I turned 39 this year.
damn thats old.

I ran into my ex-admin from my prior bankrupt company.  This is a lady who was always bit older, but had huge boobs.  I was very interested in those boobs..  but alas not really that interested.  Had a bit of chit-chat, she said how her job sucks so bad.. and then off our own lives.  I thought to myself, "wow she looks old these days" -- and I realized, wtf she is prob 36-38 younger than me?   Well I look old for sure.

Anyways no point to that story except that yes.. we are all old now.  As I embark on the magic # 40 ... i'll reflect on my life so far and wonder have I progressed, have I  learned anything..  ?

I am dating a girl.. who is 23.  ugg.. never thought it'd be so serious.  but at this point, she is sweet, caring and i am quite happy.  But we'll see how it goes.  Generation gap indeed.. but indeed for old men we dont have many choices in life so we just need to go with it and see.  Far fewer red herrings than w/ Miss Korea, so we'll see we'll see.

Anyways my lack of posting for so many months is due to:
1. Have the GF
2. Snowboarding season hit and is now about over
3. Work is so-so busy, I was promoted to Director in Dec/Jan.

Thats it, Bobby Fu is getting married so happy times are ahead for all!  I may get married.. the two dates in mind are:  Dec-12-2012 (12-12-12), or after I heli-board in 2013 Mar... so maybe May 2013 !!