First bit of management stress

Hmm i felt first bit of stress in management today


My company has so much going on..  that the politics of survival strategy are annoying me.  you have factions and groups trying to take over things, and i'm in the middle of many of this...  and its annoying.  goes to say, management is a headache.  some love the kill .. maybe not for me.

i like sleep and peace

Physique in the 40's

I'm 38 now.
But I must say...  between 35-38 I have dramatically declined in power.  nothing specific -- just overall power and state of my physique.. is dying.

i now realize why athletes have dramatic decline in 30's... by mid-30 you are lucky if you don't feel pain and aches regularly.  by late 30's and probably 40's, you are literally dying from a pure molecular/cellular level.   I can feel it.  I do pushups or stretch and my shoulders are always tight and sore.   I ran 5km for charity and was bit sore few 2 days later.. i did few squats other night and legs were still bit sore 2 days after...   overall its not good.

Anyways... thats life man.   I'm very happy i'm not injured and have serious problems yet.  But i can't let genetics make me lazy i am thinking to start runniny daily or cycling.. must focus on health these days not for anything except to feel better.   Will update on how that plan goes.

Also looking at buying house now....  gotta fill out damn mortgage pre-approval forms.  We shall see -- if only I could decide where to live long term then I could buy !!

The latest dope

 Lets see.. many things happening.
1. Snowboard season start, going to Whistler in New Years yeaaah!   i'm going w/ a group including a gal that is my semi-true love..  girl i have liked for a long long time.. even though i have a girlfriend now.. we'll see how that turns out.
2. I am trying to focus for year end..  one more month left..  I feel I have done so little this year.  I wish I had more motivation to wake u early, run, plan things for work, and help my team more.. but alas i'm a dying soul.
3. Thoughts of retirement..  hmmmm

Retirement is an interesting one.  I haven't done the math really, but I wonder if my loose high roller lifestyle is causing me to sacrifice early  retirement ....  or is it not significant ?

Case in points on waste:
1. Daily taxi to work.  Cost $25 a day x 250 = $6000 a year !   Hmmm if I did this for 10 years.. $60k !
2. Rent.  Moving from $5k apt to $3k apt.  Effective saving is $1k after tax.   $1k x 12 x 10yrs... $120k !
3. Coffee.  Including weekends, 10 coffee per week x $3.50 on avg x 52wk x 10yrs = $18k !
4. Travel.  I prob spend $10k a year on travel x 10yrs = $100k !
5. Snowboarding.  $300 per trip avg * 10 trips * 10yrs + equip ($5k) = $35k !
6. Entertainment (eating out, drinking, cigars, ...).  I dunno..  $10k a year * 10 = $100k

Hmm i suppose if I add it all up, its $500k in extra savings by the time I'm 48 if I cut down on everything fun in life.   Hmmmmmmmmmm.    Bah maybe i should cut out coffee.....

haha

Hmmmm... humanity

Jobs dies.

We are all human, what can I say.


As I ponder existence.. and my personal struggles for sanity, love, and success..  I can't help but think about random things like Dr.Manhattan from the Watchmen -- if I could see time the same way he does..  without sequence.  I wonder what is next in life.  Will I have a child I wonder?   Honestly I dont feel the need..   I have bad genes.. my uncle (mom's side) apparently has some fatal disease (though he must be almost 80 by now)..  cancer maybe?  I'll find out Tuesday when I talk to mom.

One thing about life.. ithas an end to it.   I ponder what my end will be like.

Maybe I should have a baby afterall or should I quit and retire in Vietnam before I become a dinosaur.

Not very deep tonight, sorry. 

TGS 2011

Interesting thing in Japan there are alot of "booth babe/models" that are really just regular girls.  Case in point, at the Tokyo Game Show they probably hire some 2,000 girls to dress up as cute girls for various gaming booths.  One could call them models, but they are hardly models at all..  in fact many aren't even cute, but a commonality is they are all young.

My girlfriend is in this pic, she is a part time booth babe!  Weird I know..  its sick..  alas its my life.

I'm going to go to the show on Sunday thus will perhaps have more pics to share!

Goals for remainder of 2011

I realize I never wrote any goals this year..
looking back even in 2007 I had written goals on what I want to accomplish for the year.

Its something I like to do, and advised to others to do.. that way we can reflect and learn and see what we've achieved.

For remainder of 2011...
 - lose weight, i have pass 80kg which is kinda shocking..  really gotten fat suddenly
 - wake up earlier (i had this goal every year...)
 - sleep better (maybe help w/ waking up!)
 - travel more to new locations (rather than same old...)
 - stay technical, work on iphone app or do something !

Thats it!  Thats my goals.. keep it simple.

Its in the Jeans

Is it the shoes? Is it the jeans? No its really about the genes...

The old argument of nuture vs nature is one I hope they continue to research and evolve theories on. Its really fascinating.. I think most doctors believe in nature more, I know some doc families that are so into genetics that they refuse to let their daughter marry a PhD researcher because his dad had Cancer and they want to avoid the gene..

But watch Dr.House and you'll see, its a combo for all disorders. They look at family history first, then they look at env (they always search the house for mold/bacteria/etc).

Anyways I ponder as I have genes of issue.. should I really reproduce I wonder.. here i lay it out:
Good:
+ Relatively smart
+ Somewhat thoughtful and caring
+ Physically pretty good and athletic
Bad:
- Lazy & Indecisive
- Unable to commit to anything in life
- Low morale values
- Cancer and high BP genetics

Now if I were really good looking then I'd say surefire reproduce and make the world a prettier place... I guess my child wouldn't be a loser or drag on society.. but does the world really need more people?

Note nobody is pregnant, at least none of my doing. Just a random thought as I ponder life and the universe.

Update on the GF -- we are now at 3 months.. i find.. i like her.. But analysis:
Good:
+ cute and young
+ easy to get along with
+ has personality and her own opinion on things
+ relatively smart but not too smart (and doesn't think she's too smart!!)
+ physically good for bearing Spartan-like children
Bad:
+ watches too much TV
+ too young and naive
+ common ground for solid conversation lacking
+ not the sweetest more caring girl i know (she is nice, but not overly adoring as i'd like)

hmmmmm gaming, slacking.. the endless cycle

I started playing more games. Deus Ex, Team Fortress2, Magicka, etc etc

What am i doing with my life i wonder..

Also losing lots of money in the stock market. damn, lost 25k on a single trade recently prob will recover a few $k but most is sunk.. the money doesn't depress me but it is kinda lame

Doing good at work despite my total slackerness.. but i feel its another area I could be really doing great work, but instead just getting by. I need to take a 2 week break and just rethink things

Other updates

1. losing lotta money in the market
2. i did buy the AP watch, and
a) scratched it a few places
b) broke after 1 month and had it in shop under warrany for 1 month repair
3. new gf is turning out to be very nice gal, though kinda gets drunk alot which i'm not found of. but she made dinner last night, and breakfast and does laundry and sweeps floor sometimes so overall she's not bad. keeper? maybe, jury is out after 2months.
4. i am getting damn fat. i am going to try to do a daily 10min workout of slamming some weights at least to keep a little activity.. if i could run 15min then that'd be holy grail

we are getting old. as oldman tombo says.. we dont have time....

Ahh work stress

work is tough.. when u become the bossman.. u have to deal w/ the fun of upside and growth, and the downside of dying company losses...

i ponder what i should do if faced w/ the decision of needing to fire someone for cost cutting.

1. do u fire who is not needed purely on talent/merit/skills?
2. do u fire based on who u think is going to leave anyways
3. do u fire based on who u r friends w/ and who your loyalty is with?

sigh its tough... i'm cold hearted, but even then its tough.

Reality

Its interesting.. I was watching "Friday Night Lights" -- final season. I really think this is a great series.. one of the best I've seen. Watching the coach in this show makes me think about what a leader should be like (conversely watching Office is a great one to learn what not to do).

The characters in the show have so many challenges and issues growing up.. broken families, dads in prison or out of town or drunk.. or no parents at all. Its quite interesting because this is not reality its TV, but for me I think of it as true reality. The worlds are flipped around for me -- because I find my life to be lacking reality in many ways...

But if one believes in fate and karma then one can expect.. there's no free lunch in the long run. There is an algorithm called "no free lunch" as well.

Anyways I have a long weekend to relax since I didn't go to my 20th reunion. Omg.. getting so old.....

Cigar and Highs

Do cigar's get you high?

Well I'm smoking a Cohiba Siglo IV now on a bit of a windy day on my balcony -- this is a long cigar and damn I think yes.. its definitely something chemical.. maybe like dope or crack, i hope i dont have a stroke as a result.

I found smoking a small one in a closed room like a cigar bar will also get you high.

Anyways.. on highs in life.. i dunno. I am now into July. I shall have 4 months to push some shit at work to really make some killer deliveries and focus... but i'm so lazy.

Okay this was a pointless post.

Tokyo Beauty

I am reminded of American Beauty -- Kevin Spacey plays an old man, not unlike myself, who is obsessed w/ a young girl at his daughters HS. He fancies her and charms her and seduces her...

Cross the pacific 5000+ miles away sits myself, an old man.. reliving youth by dating a nubile 22 yo college gal... and i wonder what am I doing, and at the same time I feel wow this is so great. I'm waiting to be shot in the back of the head at some time.

Anyways its maybe not true love, but its.. something. Something that may change me and ruin me. Boy Tokyo is great.. and dangerous. Very dangerous.

Living w/ Uncertainty

I saw the movie "Into the Wild" where boy meets nature and dies due to poor planning and bad luck.

There's alot more to it, but it made me think.. (and movies that can make you think are what I am after).. there's a common theme amongst guy movies which is the guy renunion like Hangover and Hot-Tub time machine where guys want to let loose and go nuts. Its not about banging chicks, its about the adventure of living life without everyday rules and with uncertainty/abandon and creating some memories. Thats the theme of Vegas come to think and that should be premise of AAC.

In Into the Wild, some criticized the guy for going into the woods w/o a compass, map, and enough preparation. Some called it a death march/suicide. On a more tame tangent, its like me going to China w/o a plan/map/preparation, I just go, walk around and see whats going on. I don't necessarily like the idea of a complete plan because the adventure aspect is then lost.

My thought is.. I think guys want to get into trouble. When I meet up w/ the boyz I think part of the hope is that we have some drama and do something memorable like in the Hangover.. something you can look back at and say damn that was crazy shit. Obviously you run the risk of death if you are too far over the edge, so its again back to the basics of risk management.

For Into the Wild -- if he came out alive, he'd say damn I really lived life. Living without fear is not possible (it'd mean u feel nothing). Living with abandon.. now thats living. Or is it ?

The next level

In tennis an old coach talked about reaching the next level.. in all things its hard. in billiards, in foosball, tennis.. life -- to reach the next level is the challenge that some live for.

For me, its not something I feel I need.. but to avoid rambling.. i may move to HKG! I think the opportunity is here, it may be the right now for a change of pace for me. Yep maybe pack it up. I feel some excitement over the new challenge.. and while I haven't completely dominated the current challenges in TKY (at work, at play), I guess I've always been a hopper so moving plays to my favor.

We'll see, as I shalt keep you posted.

I'm going to buy this Audemars Piguet next week in HKG when i'm back in town.

Hmmm disturbing dream.. on eve of the end

I had a dream last night after fading out early from massive jetlag... it had 3 phases as dreams lack the linear continuity of time, much akin to Dr. Manhattan

1. I'm sneaking into the wedding of... my ex-gf, Miss Korea.. i see her walk past once, then later I'm hiding as I try to get a look at her on the wedding stage, but only really get a partial glimpse, then get a glimpse of her being carried away by her husband. I also see my friends in the seating and I wonder WTF why are they invited??

2. I'm now at a house party, at the house of my ex-Oracle market director who is now the CMO at Oracle and my buds that I hung out w/ a few days ago in SF are all there, and we are having a blast.. at this time I don't remember much more about this party, but the CMO isn't there.

3. I'm walking home and am next to 2 japanese girls.. they look at me and I say something to them and hang out w/ them for a bit as they go to some restaurant. I get the phone # / email of one of them, but not the one I would like to get. I somewhere along the line touch the other girls boob. Ooops. She had nice boobs.

Whats this mean?? Hmm could mean everything, could mean nothing.

Related to #1 -- its on the eve of getting some interesting email regarding miss korea that next morning. its as if.. something were aligned. I often think as I did today of getting back together w/ my crazy ex-gf.. why? I know she was trouble but sometimes one can't avoid passion and infatuation.. fortunately for me, our relations are so severely severed that there is no going back. For that I'm thankful because its a death trap in the end.

Why we don't settle down

I realized after this weekend why as we get older we don't settle down easily.

Okay, 1st I don't meet/date enough really superstar girls. That be true. Conversely girls don't date superstar guys as they get older.

2nd, we all get used to doing our own thing.. and its a serious deliberation whether I rather do my own thing on sunday or hang out w/ a girl i'm not gaga over. Ie, go back to 1st issue -- not dating someone that excites you -- but given lack of that I'd rather just relax by myself half the time and date random women on occasion.

Sad ? Kind of like a job hunt.. given lack of a suitable job that meets their standard, many would rather just be unemployed. Guess it just depends how desperate you are?

Food chain -- borders, blockbuster, etc

Funny.. when borders came to town.. they gobbled up the mom and pop shops like the "shop around the corner". Then amazon came and gobbled up Borders.

Same for blockbuster gobbling up mom-n-pop video stores, then falling to megalith Netflix (whom i could have worked for building up the very business of VOD).

In the end everyone is fish food for someone else. Amazon, Netflix all may fall oneday to some other big fish.

I felt ill after drinking a whole bottle last night. But I felt somewhat refreshed. I may drink another!

Opus 2006 - Post Quake Depression

I decided to buy a bottle to try this out which I'm sipping as I type thing.

The end of the world may be near, and I would feel 1% bad about not having ever tried the famous Opus One wine.

Initial reaction -- being a non wine enthusiast and non bordeaux expert -- its not bad. very easy to drink, a bit dry, but very smooth. probably not what a typical wine expert would say to describe a red, but nonetheless its very drinkable. the only other high end wine i can compare to is this other bourdeux i tried a glass of for $50 (1995 Domaine Georges Lignier Clos De La Roche) which was quite good as well in a similar smooth way.

Not to sound like i'm in real depression, but the topic of today is really is my post-quake-depression. Going into the quake I was finishing up snowboarding season which is the sad highlight of my life. Then quake hits, cancels a few trips, and creates some drama.. but now its over and I'm left wondering what to do w/ the rest of the year.

I feel no passion or desire in life.. its quite sad. Its not a girl thing or sex thing.. last few girls i dated i felt i rather sit alone w/ my laptop pondering life rather than banging them on a sunday afternoon. Same w/ tonight, i was going to invite some lady over to share the Opus.. but then just didn't wanna bother w/ the hassle and bullshit of wining, dining, and etc to get into a girls pants that I don't even really care about.

Some would say I haven't met the right girl.. others may say I'm too picky like Jerry Seinfeld.. picking on minutia like big hands, bad shaped nipples, or whatever the heck bothers me between one girl and the next. Could it be MK trauma that has permanently fucked me up ??

Hmmm this requires a seperate post to think about.

In the meantime ingest this article from a man hater: WHere have all the good men gone?

End of the world.. from my eyes

I sit here, perched in Akasaka pondering the fate of Japan like Gandalf in his tower in Minas Trinas... somewhere up north are thousands if not hundreds of thousand freezing and searching for food, fuel, and family. But me.. I sit and type.. listening to my B&W floorstanding speakers..

Its a dichotomy.. even while in Japan, there is life at the site, and life outside. In Sendai and Iwate it must be hell. But here, in.. my life is not much different than yours. I have plenty of food, water, heat.. shortages exist but not in my town. I sit back, read the news and wonder whats up the same was you do. Sure I have the added stress of a pending nuclear fallout but thats 200miles away.. who knows if that affects me or kills me ?

Anyways the point is, I'm safe for now. Some have left which was maybe wise.. but I am in a predicament where I must stay.. for facetime at work. Is it the right thing? I don't know, time will tell.

I wonder if this pending doom and radiation is going to kill the romantic mood ? hahaha

Whats Love...

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

Is love that important in life?

I ponder love alot.. what is true love.. what is monkey love.. what is passion vs lust vs companionship and how does it equate to love.

I think I have been in true love a few times.. definitely lust many times, and had great companionship. True love would be something that overwhelms and nearly destroys ones life.. as its power is documented in film/books/etc for long as one can research back. It is the most powerful vice around.

I seek true love.. but at the same time I feel my days have past.. I've seeked for a while, and now I'm in thinking of settling down w/ someone who is a companion more than a true love. Whether thats good or bad I'm not sure. I'm pondering it.. pondering deeply in fact.

The TV show The Office has a great romance .. I'm sure for many it strikes a chord for anyone who has had similar unfulfilled love..

Another Bonus comes and goes

Well I guess it came, and it went.
I got a bunch of stock oh shit.. worthless stock dammit.

Anyways I wish timing in my career were such that I could just take a year off and hibernate.. snowboard.. repent on life.. read.. relax.. and enjoy everything. Unfortunately that is not my life. Instead I think i'll buy a new watch and waste my money since someone has to help stimulate the economy.

I am going to dump some HPQ stock as well.

The Single Guy

I started dating a new girl.

And I must say.. I think being single has its pluses
1) You can do your own thing on weekend, nobody else to check with
2) You can watch porn and have wild monkey sex http://nymag.com/news/features/70976/
3) You can hire prostitutes like Charlie Sheen and have wild monkey sex

Then again... it can be lonely as an old man filled with regret waiting to die alone (quoted from Inception).

So anyways I dunno, maybe the answer is to date an easy going girl and continue doing 1,2,3 above ???