Work.. focus.. enjoyment.. freedom

I realized something, I value my freedom. The cost of freedom is high though. Trust me, I fight the freedom fight daily -- to be free.. is to be alone. Because one can never be free if they have obligations. Its the compliment of free -- bound.

Being bound is good in some ways, you are grounded and know what you need to do. Freedom is akin to unboundedness and chaos.. no direction.

At work, I learned my key lieutenant is going to move to be a trader. Wow amazing.. its like an instant 50% raise and potential to make 500% more (more likely 80% more in a year). Makes one think.. did I make the right choices in going into management? I do feel I am wasting some technical prowess that I have.. now my day is spent filing emails.. sifting thru hundreds a day.. trying to comprehend whats happening on 10 projects...

But what was I really good at? i was good at hacking together systems and understanding how stuff works. Yep I am a true engineer. In finance I am also good at this.. understanding how stuff works, how pricing, curves, risk ... all work because I really like to know.

In management I have issues not knowing enough. I know the high level, but as management you can never get deep enough to know the details hands on and it is troubling really.

Anyways.. all my life I live w/ the angst of work and pondering if I'm doing the right thing. Funny things never really change. I am happy w/ what I'm doing, but I also look for my next progression after 6 months at this role.

haha, I get bored fast