As the year turns

For most of the world the year turns either Jan 1st, or on their birthday -- but for some it turns when they hand out bonuses. Its a breaking point in the yearly grind, it makes you think about life and what your goal is, and whats valuable.

My old manager told me once that we don't really have a choice in life.. at least not after you start along a path. For him, he was married, started working, had kids, etc and was entrenched in his role and he has to go with the job to support his family and life. He felt choice was an illusion.

I guess for me I do have choices because much of my life is still to be decided. I've taken a long route to taking the next step.

Anyways when our bonuses come around, I wonder if I'll have the courage to do something truly different with life. I don't know if its courage thats needed but I wonder what I will do. Its not that our bonuses are big, its just a closure point if you do want to make a change. I ponder my options:

1. Stay in TK with the same job, continue trying move up the ladder. Its a place I know and its safe. Money is still good, env isn't great, but its okay. I can make a few internal changes and it'll be fun.
2. Stay in TK with a new job, stay here for a while and settle in. New job is risky, but maybe give me a new perspective on life. Also make for my return plan
3. Move to HK for a year and travel then move back to the US
4. Move back to the US -- but then the question is where to go? SoCal? NoCal? Somewhere new?

I'm getting older, so I feel the need to settle down somewhere and plant my roots. I feel it'd be hard and a bit lonely at 40 to root down in a new town and make friends and build relationships up. Thus it brings me back to places I know, very likely SoCal where at least I have some family.

I suppose Japan is a natural 2nd place since I have family here too.

I have a few months to decide. I am leaning the HK way for now.

Da Flu

I have the flu I think. Its mixed symptoms but thats my self diagnosis.

Being sick really puts me in an emotional funk.. makes me wonder, will I die alone? Will I find the right person?

My friend Homey (I use that because he's black) also wonders this alot. He is looking for his true love and has these questions alot as well. In his case I wouldn't worry because he's black and in Japan they are novelty and he picks up girls all the time. But even then, he dates a bunch but rarely meets one he really connects with.

He also has the added pressure of having a dead-end career on the helpdesk as a contractor.. and as we get old, we all have to think about how we are going to settle into our golden years. I am not sure if there are so many 50 year old programmers... but I believe there are less programmers these days so perhaps its okay. The baby boomers all die off, and I heard less people were studying CS... so will I be okay??

Living da life

I recently started dating a chinese gal... though the only reason was probably her huge chest.. and I eventually got to the point of sleeping w/ her, and I realized.. what is the point of this .. is this real?

I wonder why I quesiton myself so much. There are guys out there who are 100% happy w/ the game of just sleeping with anyone they can.. but somehow I always wind up in angst about what my motivation is.

I looked at some facebook pics of an old HS friend and his friends... and noticed wow most people have family. I'd probably say 75% are married, maybe more. I'm clearly the exception, yet I find it hard to just settle down.. sure I could marry someone like Miss China but really.. can I live w/ this person forever?

While I snowboard every weekend.. and go drinking and have fun with life its easy to avoid the reality of the situation which is that we are getting old, and we will die oneday. So at the end of it all.. what will be my story?

Lost Job Lost Soul Gain Money Who Knows

I lost 1 job...but then a week later I got a 10% raise for nothing. Its part of the sham the industry is playing on the government -- lower bonuses higher base. So I guess the median bonus was 30% and now they've lowered it to 20% and in doing so most get a 10% salary increase (up to some maximum level/salary cap).

I lost track of salaries, but I suspect even with my 1 job now I'm doing pretty good... for a guy with no family to support anyways.

Tombo always ridicules about how his friends have such a tough time finding someone... but the reality of the "grass" is that its "greener" on the other side. While its not entirely brown while you sit in it, there are brown spots when you get up close. What I say is.. its not that easy to find something real. I can easily find young, cheap, cute ho's to mess around with esp if you are buying them (one way or another), but finding ones soul mate.. now I can't believe thats easy for anyone even Lebron.

Lately I have been snowboarding every week. I am hardcore now, but its unfortunate, time is against me. I wish I had gone hardcore 5, 10 years ago. Now, in my present state I can barely go 1 day before being near my deathbed in the end. I came back from a 3 day trip but on the 3rd day I started at 8am but was dead at 11am. Its tough man... but it gives me motivation to train for something other than having better sex.