Journey to Whistler

I went to Whistler alone. Yep its a long trek man.

Not as long as all but longer than most. The snow is great, mountian is superb. I highly recommend going but be in good shape. I could barely handle it by 3rd day I was dead. Boarding 6hrs a day is not easy on an old man like me.

For many this is an extravagent 5 day trip to take. For me, I have little purpose in life at the moment so its good to live free while I can. Clearly if I settle down then I can refocus at that time. I'm not totally unfocused now, but guess the idea of throwing down $3k just for kicks isn't such a big deal these days.

Hmmm my train of thoughts have all faded. Maybe the one thought I had is that I ponder if I will get married and have kids. Marriage is very likely, kids is getting to the edge of possibility. But its funny, when I think about it, my dad had me when he was 42. I must be following his pattern in which case I should prepare to die at 59 or so. Gives me about 23 more years, thats a pretty decent run.

Question is, will I regret not having a family? I wonder why its so difficult for me to think about whether I want a family or not. Going to Whistler and seeing the families and being its xmas, the family spirit is at its height and I can feel some urge, but its not the innate reproductive urge (well I have the urge to go thru the motions of reproduction but not the followthru) that many men feel. I ask around and many always wanted a family there was no doubt in their mind. For me maybe its due to my semi-screwy family and the lack of a stable home to really build upon? Are these excuses I wonder?

Anyways the point is, its not clear to me. I always, as far as I could remember thought I'd have kids if the wife wanted kids. I don't feel I'm particularly good w/ them so I wonder. But getting old and not having family around is also kinda depressing. But fear of loneliness and depression is a very foolish reason to have kids. Better to just get a dog maybe.

Anyways merry xmas!! I celebrated as usual with my coworkers at my usual bar. Yep thats the singleooo life.