My Future

I haven't thought about my future much of late..

Right now the job situation is bad, but at least I'm employed for now. I am under pressure to move to HK very soon, so we have to see about that.. while I was looking forward to it, I don't know if I'm quite ready yet, and don't know if I am as excited post collapse of my company. Also I am dating a new girl now.. and while I can't say she is a keeper, I guess its tough to plan to move and keep integrity about the situation... lots of gaijin come here,take on a gf, knowing they are going to abandon them eventually. I can't do that, but honestly I don't know what the future is. Its so easy to just enjoy the day to day and not think about tomorrow.

Same with work, I enjoy the day to day shnangenans of doing nothing all day but eventually this will catch up to me, and that day is coming very soon I think.

An observation to note is that Tokyo is quite liberal about sex. I toured the "love hotel" area of Ebisu on a Tues night and was shocked that at 9pm was like 90-95% occupied (admittedly Ebisu doesn't have enough capacity compared to Shibuya or Shinjuku). But damn on a Tues night that many people are having sex? I find this sooo weird... but again this is a city where lots of HS girls are prostituting themselves at BJ bars, sex clubs, or etc. Seems if their friends are doing it then its okay, so its become quite acceptable by many to do these gigs for a short while. I guess thats the diff, most girls here prob work in the pink/sex industry for a few years and then move on, as opposed to the crack-ho's in the states... but with that type of attitude about sex, it means they dont mind just hooking up w/ people who they find hot and are more open about their needs and desires. Not sure if this is a good or bad thing.

The Unit & Reality of Work

There is a girl at work we call "the Unit" -- in fact I have been goofing making names for everyone at work, from the Milkman, the Unit, 3g, SS, etc, so almost everyone has a nickname if it makes sense. Pretty funny but that's what you do when you are with a post-bankrupt entity. Anyways back to "the unit" -- I think she is everything I'd like to find in a girl, cute, smart, speaks english, fun, active, bright and happy... but I'm a bit of a wimp so I can't seem to really ask her out, although I've been able to get close as friends with her now, so we hang out regularly.

Since I am now dating Miss Korea... (codename), it makes it harder still I must say... since (a) I don't wanna play games, (b) I'm actually happy w/ MK, but deep down I wonder if I can really be serious w/ a girl who doesn't speak english, and has many of the problems that kept me away from japanese girls to start with....

The Unit is a project I guess. I could rename her "the project" -- but alas, I'll just wait and see. Maybe having a gf now will put the jealousy plot into effect.

At work we had some layoffs recently, a trading desk went away (upper management decided not to fund this particular prop desk.. guess times are tough, they dont wanna put 100mm at risk or dont have capital..?), and other groups got haircuts. I think this makes sense, I figured it'd be now or Jan/Feb timeframe. Now makes sense because xmas is coming up, and you gotta do it before well before holidays so you don't feel so heartless. Late Jan/Feb is probably the next wave since its before bonus period and by then they have a real plan in place.

Its a matter of time. Investment Banks are built on a pyramid. Top of the chain, 5% of the population generate the revenues. The other 95% are really just there to support the money generators. So in our case we've lost due to firing or quitting, 50% of those guys. Whats out of whack is that the remaining 95% of the company has had almost no turnover.. thus a mass layoff is inevitable. For me in particular there is more risk since (1) another offshore org is at our disposal raising our IT headcount by 110% (so we are mass overstaffed now), and (2) credit markets are shot, there is even less business in this domain.

Thus I think come Feb I will have my papers. Hopefully by 2Q the market will stabilize and I can be on my way to a new job elsewhere with some new motivation in life.

For now, I just do my thing.

The Year in Ruin (reflection)

The year comes to an end soon.

To me, the fall of the house of LEH hasn't really sunk in yet. It is a tragedy.. it really is. As more and more colleagues leave the firm it sinks in a bit more -- more than the financial loss that we all endure, is the blow to the psyche of having been part of this tragedy and shame. While we live on with a new name still get paychecks and live lavishly it is something that will haunt me in some ways.

Oh well I can just live on. As Rocky Balboa said it... and I don't need to repeat it.

Financially I suck. I am making horrible moves left and right. Argggggg had I only some forsight..... limiting exposure is what we all have to do in life. Protect yourself man.

The new girlfriend is quite nice to hang out with. I have to say I wish I picked up a serious girlfriend earlier in my days in TK. I think I'd have had a more fun experience but at the same time, I think goofing around endlessing chasing girls for the 1st year was a good way to burn myself out.

Eternal Conflict of Ho's Before Bros

Not to offend any women, if there are any left reading this...
but it seems, the old saying "ho's before bros" hangs true to many people.

I have this situation at work where I am friends w/ 2 dudes who are chasing the same girl. One guy is getting weird about being overly protective of his dating situation w/ this obviously promiscuous girl who doesn't want a boyfriend, just wants to play around. Thus the second guy apparently doesn't mind sloppy seconds and is all for going after this gal, much to the chagrin of the 1st guy.

So in the end it makes for bad blood, and I am afraid I will be collateral damage if I hang w/ them. Thus I need to step away..... pretty funny though. Seems the 1st guy is famous for doing this and staking claim on girls. He had told the other guy soon after he met her "I really like her" -- then 2nd guy was like "wtf so what does that mean??" and eventually comes to this bad blood situation. But it seems 1st guy does this alot, so between the 2nd guy and I we make the joke ok if you ever say "I really like her" about a new girl we meet then it means we have staked claim. So one night he brings out 2 girls and says to me "hey I really like both of these girls!!" as a joke. And later when he sees this pic of another girl he says "whose that girl in the pic, I really like her!"

Funny stuff man. But seriously it troubles me when guys put the chase for girls ahead of friends and honor. I do believe in some honor in these situations. I have a few friends like this that I would not want hanging out w/ me while I am trying to work on a girl that I really like. Yep some guys are just bastards.

Anyways I had a good weekend, went to Yokohama.