A break maybe

Well I may get a career break for a change.

Here's the update on whats going on w/ my career.

1) bank is dying, bonus is going to be bad. some predict 0. i find that hard to believe, but i guess sentiment is its going to be damn bad.
2) i was trying to get promoted. it looked good, like a semi-lock, but then i found out that my old manager jacked me. you see, when u switch managers, they suddenly turn on you because their interest is w/ the people who are staying w/ them, not the old people who left. So when it came time to say what he thought of my getting promoted he said something like "he's new we should wait a year" -- rather than supporting me the way he did before. My new manager was shocked at his lack of honor. Yep what a bastard.
3) an alternative to the standard promotion path was to get promoted instantly via a coincidental org-change. i happen to be in an org that has no AVP title and I am getting transitioned into an org w/ an AVP, thus they are determining who should have been an AVP, etc. So there is a good chance to get an instant "adjusted" title. It looks good for this route.

Thus.. I may be an Assist Vice President soon. I'll let you know. It means no more money but at least I get a nice corporate title. Untitled vs Titled is a small step. Its really just a stepping stone to VP which is the real step, then SVP which is a big step. I may just settle into AVP for a while if I make it.

Well I needed a break. I was starting to get pissed at work with this nonsense and dying company/stock price.

Out of the game

I admit I'm a bit out of the game. I realized it when I told my friend Baki that she needs to focus and stop trying to find a white knight because those days are past, we r not in our prime. Prime days of a typical girl is 24-27 when you can really lasso your way into a hotshot 25-32yo banker, doctor, lawyer or young man w/ great potential.

Same goes for me, at my age due to my lack of true career status (at my age I really should be a director or something bigger), my ability to reel in younger quality is limited. I thought about this.. when I was 27-28 I went out w/ a pretty hot japanese girl who was from a wealthy family, and then I went out w/ my last ex who was a pretty good looking girl from a rich family. I think at 27 I had a bright future as a hotshot developer, thus my stock was high (options). Now at 35 I haven't done much so my stock is sagging (and options are worthless).

So am I going to settle as my secretary friend says she has been doing lately? I may very well be. While I would love to find the ideal girl I realize it isn't that easy at my age. I'm lucky its easier than it is for a woman in my shoes, but that doesn't help me much.

Note, I started dating a girl at work. Very passionate, such that Tom would be proud! Later she told me she has a boyfriend in Aussieland. Wtf?? I made out w/ her in the elevator the next day. Haha. Story is unfolding.

Tennis confidence

Damn I got crushed in tennis. It is often about confidence to succeed in these things... once you have upper momentum u an dominate due to sheer ability to rattle your opponent. At least at my level it is the case. How to get your mind and body to react is the tough part of sports.

At tennis I met this 25yo dude who is moving from middle-office into the top trading group. I was like, thats odd, one rarely can make the jump into trading unless:
a) he knows someone really well
b) is young
c) has some background say in Math from somewhere like Cambridge

Turns out he has 2/3 (25yo and Cambridge MS in Math/Theoretical Physics). Wow bright future. I envy the guy as I do the others who dominate in tennis and golf. Nice to be at the top.

Oh well for the rest of us.. we must focus on what we got going.

I should write some ponderances on girls and looks. I feel I am a bit shallow, but not as shallow as many, but more shallow than at least a few that I know. Thats next up.

Whats new

Company is dying.

My dating queue is quite well filled at the moment.

I need to cut out cappcuino's i'm getting fat from that shit.

Rain is ruining my weekend (tennis).

Thats life out here.

youth

aah to be young... and defy gravity

Of rituals and routines

I wonder if having a ritual and routine is part of what is needed for focusing ones efforts in life.

I post this, because my associate Tombo seems to enjoy poking fun at people thru his blog, so I decided to think about what his recent remarks mean. At times I ponder if Tombo is just a hater and gets joy out of poking and finding fault w/ people, or if in his so called hallowed words lies an intellect more complex than his labor hardened face shows.

Not sure what my point is, but his was that I'm unfocused but keep talking about focus. Yeah yeah whatever, I go between goofing off and living in the day, to realizing i should try to focus on a few things. I apologize to my readers if I am a broken record, but I think I've figured out that I need a routine in life -- something I am not accustomed to having as a free wheeling bachelor.

My routine for the past month or so...

• Mon, Tues - study japanese for 2hrs after work
• Weds - japanese class 1hr, then go to golf range for 1-2hrs
• Thurs - go to gym
• Fri-Sat - social life (ie go out and party)
  
• Sun - rest, play tennis, golf or go to gym
  

I think without a routine its hard to get something done. My efforts to study japanese or improve in golf, or learning how to price a CreditDefaultSwap are futile.. as the world has the ability to distract you with everything thats going on. The everything thats going on is life. Building structure around it is important if you want to get something done, but not so important if you just want to enjoy life and go with the flow.

But alas, we all can have our opinions on what is the right way to live life. I think we should simplify it just living with "Strength and Honor", like the gladiator said. Whatever that means.

Tighten up

Time to get fit and tighten up.

Expenses must be trimmed.
Fat trimmed.

Times are tough now. My company is dying. Must start to focus on all aspects.

Women ....

I tell ya.. I have trouble w/ women. Women are troubling. They amuse me.. but they puzzle me. I'm eternally drawn to them, but at the same time repulsed at how their brains work at times.

There is this one young gal I had some casual encounters with.. I was chatting w/ her online tonight. It went like this:
Me: whats up blah blah blah I'm sick
Her: blah blah
Me: u want to come get naked and play nurse?
Her: haha, always sex on your mind.
Me: blah blah blah
Her: I don't really like sex, I don't care about it. Blah blah blah.
Me: Really, you don't feel the need for it sometimes? etc
Her: No, not really I don't enjoy sex, blah blah more talk about sex.
..
Her: So you want me to come over later like around 10pm ?
Me: Nah its okay I'm a bit ill right now but thanks.

So whats up w/ that ??? From I don't like sex to can I come over @ 10pm for a booty call? Wow, take note-- thats how a female mind works.

I find it hilarious.. but scary at the same time.

Just saw Blood Diamond. Leo is a good lookin dude.

Blast.. from Tokyo Past

So tonight I went to meet up w/ this gal Baako who was good friends w/ the infamous j-girl t-gumi i dated back in 2001 that caused a stir in my life. Baako is married now w/ 2 kids, as is the j-girl w/ 1 kid. I gotta say once again, its hard to get back to the pure lust/passion that I had w/ the j-girl t-gumi that I had back in the day... yep it kills me to this day to try to get back to that level.

Anyways it makes me ponder, as Baaoki is married, her younger sister who also came out is in a 3yr relationship, what is important to me. They are (all 3 of these gals) daughters of very wealthy folk -- baako is married to a regular salaryman but due to her own family wealth lives in an elite town equiv to Palo Alto, and drives an Audi, etc. Living well. Yep yep. But I look at her and her sister and think... hmm yeah I could learn to love them, they aren't super hot, but they are cute enough given $10mm in the bank I guess....? But then where are my values, whats important to me?

I don't know the answer. I still strive for passion but my days of being able to find this is slipping.

Anyways I met several girls tonight. Seems if you are hanging out w/ 2-3 girls on your own, girls gravitate towards wanting to meet you. One gal was really cute (white gal). Also ran into another HS classmate of mine. Weird eh?

Anyways thats life. Must focus. My HS friend said I look alot more buff. I said no I'm actually alot fatter. Haha. I love how people mistake my fat for buff. Its genenic.

Wow we suck

yeah we are fricking dying man. our bank is getting trashed everywhere. we might get bought by mcd's for all i know.

in other news i ponder if i should go and sleep w/ random girls i have no interest in long term.. part of me says no no no... its a waste of time, i feel bad doing it, dont wanna lead people on, etc.. and thats my genuine intuition, but the other side of me says why not, just go w/ it, have fun, take no prisoners etc. i wallow in the thoughts.. i ponder and switch back and forth, but mainly lean towards being the self-righteous type.

i often wish i could be more shallow and just ravage the easy prey the way my friends do, but one must live with strength and honor, well they have to live with themselves and whatever gives them their morale being.

in the end maybe i will just go after hot girls.

Crap

I'm down 50% on two stocks in my portfolio, 1 is a huge % of my total stake.

oh well, i dont need to retire, i can just die young. live free or die harder

i recently saw Rambo on the plane. The new one. its horrible. Weird that stallone can make a great movie like Rocky the Final, then follow it up w/ crap. no consistency in this world.

I am going to sell my condo this summer. Lets see if i can move it... market is horrible.

Sumooooo

Me at 5am playing golf... its fricking cold today. I started w/ 2 9's (+4, +5), scored like 62 on the front, but toned down to score a 51 on the back. I cheated a bit though.

I decided at some point in life to live life and try new things and adventures instead of pooling and hoarding my money and spending time in a secure manner. Last week I went rafting, this weekend I went to SUMO in Tokyo at the Ryogoku Kokugikan.

I didn't go to a traditional 15-day series event but instead when to a 1 day tournament style event that occurred a week after the standard affair. Benefit is.. more matchups, and a winner. Diss is that it may not be for "points" towards their titles so it is more susecptable to collusion and cheating.

I later ate chanko nabe which is what sumo folks eat. Great cultural event. I loved it. I won't go again but it was grand to see it. I have a video of chanko nabe. They are philosphising about the history of the term Chanko.