Death of subprime.. hits me

I got reorged or at least I am getting reorged. Hmmm... not sure how I feel about it.

My current job on the MBS desk has been great for a few reasons.
+ cool boss
+ short hours for asia/japan
+ learning stuff slowly at a leisurely pace
+ niche domain to conquer

Bad for the following reasons
- this desk makes no money
- maybe not really pushing myself, learning is slow
- not high profile, not gonna get promoted here, not enough quant/research work

So they've suggested a group (not sure if 'suggested' means they are telling me how it is, but sounds more like i have leeway to choose). Its more of a traditional IT role rather than analytics, but does have alot of interface w/ traders and risk management so I'd probably learn the business flow better than my current role.

In the end, I have to consider what I should be working on and what I would like to work on.

I have this dream of becoming an analyst... but really can it happen? I don't know, I think its unlikely given:
a) my lack of focus, ie I haven't done anything other than show up to work...
b) my age and inability to focus and learn quickly at this point in my life
c) my lack of proper educational background (phd, ms in math)
d) my lack of just being good at this stuff.

So I do ponder at times if I should go back to tech where I am better and more productive. But even in tech I often 2nd guess myself during a project when I'm writing crappy code .. I think to myself, gawd.. I suck. But in reality I am probably pretty good.

My manager told me today to take this job (he wont be my manager afterwards) because I have sr.management potentially and everyone sees it. He doesn't see me as a pure techy person not because its a waste of material but because he doesn't see that passion in me. I should be living breathing and eating analytics and models if I was into it, and its true.. I'm in love with the dream but not with the work.

Thus I think I shall take my managements heeded advice and work on this risk project.. knock it out of the park and get to VP level ASAP. Use my god given talents.. whatever they are and develop some different skills.

Thats my sudden thought.... its not so sudden, but I am a recluse, unwitting, and unwilling leader at times and my managers have noted that (startup and BigHQ). So I guess I should stop fighting destiny and try my hand at something different. I wonder if I'll fail at times.. it is much easier doing technical work because getting to absolute correctness is often easy compared to driving/managing a project.

Anyways this role is in Credit and Credit is mostly in Hong Kong. So at some point I may move to HK. As early as this Dec, and as late as next Dec 2009. We'll play it day by day for now.