I was reading this dudes wreaka's blog which is really cool, and while he is a young lad, he mentioned something in line with what I've thought about.. he feels the need to do something he is good at and make money, rather than do something he loves and be mediocre.
A young man can feel that way and get away with it. When you hit 35 you may wonder if you cheated yourself in life having gone that route rather than following some passion.
But the idea merits consideration, for I have considered it many times in my past. I can't say I love what I'm doing, but I enjoy working in capital markets, I just wish I was better at it! I started a bit late, and I lack the passion to play catch up. Also the fact that I work in fixed income doesn't help because FI is a fricking complicated as hell biatch world. I listened to some treasuries trader rant the other day about how he got smashed 200k with blah blah blah and i barely could understand what he's saying. Dude, I don't work in treasuries but close enough, its sad I can't decipher it better.
Equities would be so much easier. Its just short, long, calls, puts. Theres really no analytics. The only complexity is volatility and options pricing but thats old news as well thanks to BlackScholes. Not as much exotic deals and structuring (yet) in Eq.
So anyways what would I be great at? I think I have always had the potential to be a great solutions architect, like a key pre-sales tech guy helping with packaged software implementations, integrations, etc. There was a guy a Bagiba who did the job and I look at what he was doing and figure yeah, that would be me. I think I can talk the talk and do the walk -- a few presentations, talk shop w/ techies, schmooze w/ managers, and help close deals. Variety and challenge.
But alas, I am not ready to give up on my current dream of becoming a market guru. I have been in enough jobs to know that its always seems better on the other side.
My bonus this year was a pre-negotiated 37.5% of my base and it was deposited today. Yep, more money. I think I'll go to a nice dinner restaurant w/ my date tomorrow night, just not sure where to go.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Passion revisited
There were many a times in the past when I was a more passionate person than I am now.
But I am thinking now that perhaps my perspective on passion is aimed too much at work. I admit my passion for work in the past has not been that high which always troubled me. My current passion level at work is actually not bad, but I strive for true passion in what I am doing. Anyways my point is, perhaps passion can be satisfied better outside of work, like with a hobby or something.
I can recall a few areas of bigtime passion in my life to date. One was when I was into anime during college. I was really into that stuff, I loved it and i consumed me. I recall my early days as a software engineer/IT guy were very passionate times. I was reading books, learning at an accelerated pace, and really striving to be the best. That was end of college->first 6 years of work.
So for the last 5 years I've been trying to rediscover myself mainly thru work since as an adult thats what we mainly do with our waking hours. I think doing the MS was a good distraction, or a virtual passion, but it didn't really leave me with a next step. It wasn't so much a passion as it was a goal, and when you have a goal without a next goal, then you are back to square one (albiet a higher level square).
So the question really is whats my next bigtime passion. Its hard to tell what its been for the past 5 years or its existed (perhaps masked by other "goals"). I think building wealth was one, but I don't think its a passion that is worthy because the rewards are one dimensional. Watching TV and NFL is also limiting as true passions as its too passive and really out of your control. Have some passion that you can make your destiny. I have time to think about this now that life in Tokyo has slowed down a little and I actually have a Sunday afternoon to sit at Starbucks and reflect.
I was reminded of this by re-reading an article about the famous P.Bronson book on what to do with my life. Its a great book and while it didn't change my life, it had great impact on my decision to get my ass up and start searching and come out here to Tokyo for one thing.
But I am thinking now that perhaps my perspective on passion is aimed too much at work. I admit my passion for work in the past has not been that high which always troubled me. My current passion level at work is actually not bad, but I strive for true passion in what I am doing. Anyways my point is, perhaps passion can be satisfied better outside of work, like with a hobby or something.
I can recall a few areas of bigtime passion in my life to date. One was when I was into anime during college. I was really into that stuff, I loved it and i consumed me. I recall my early days as a software engineer/IT guy were very passionate times. I was reading books, learning at an accelerated pace, and really striving to be the best. That was end of college->first 6 years of work.
So for the last 5 years I've been trying to rediscover myself mainly thru work since as an adult thats what we mainly do with our waking hours. I think doing the MS was a good distraction, or a virtual passion, but it didn't really leave me with a next step. It wasn't so much a passion as it was a goal, and when you have a goal without a next goal, then you are back to square one (albiet a higher level square).
So the question really is whats my next bigtime passion. Its hard to tell what its been for the past 5 years or its existed (perhaps masked by other "goals"). I think building wealth was one, but I don't think its a passion that is worthy because the rewards are one dimensional. Watching TV and NFL is also limiting as true passions as its too passive and really out of your control. Have some passion that you can make your destiny. I have time to think about this now that life in Tokyo has slowed down a little and I actually have a Sunday afternoon to sit at Starbucks and reflect.
I was reminded of this by re-reading an article about the famous P.Bronson book on what to do with my life. Its a great book and while it didn't change my life, it had great impact on my decision to get my ass up and start searching and come out here to Tokyo for one thing.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Restless
I must have woken up like 5 times last night. Note its 6am so another few may remain.
I had a dream that I went to starbucks, ordered a short chai latte.
For some odd reason it was served to me in a short cup but with ice in it. I was quite confused, but since there was ice nearby in a bin, and the cup wasn't really filled to the top, I put some more ice in. It was a bit lukewarm, not cold not hot, so I wans't sure what is up.
I had finished the drink while looking for a seat and it occurred to me how odd this is.. a latte w/ ice but not an iced-latte. So I asked them whats up and asked for another drink. They were cool and made me another.
Other detail is that the place was in shambles they were in the middle of some major remodel.
Insight? Does it mean anything??
I had a dream that I went to starbucks, ordered a short chai latte.
For some odd reason it was served to me in a short cup but with ice in it. I was quite confused, but since there was ice nearby in a bin, and the cup wasn't really filled to the top, I put some more ice in. It was a bit lukewarm, not cold not hot, so I wans't sure what is up.
I had finished the drink while looking for a seat and it occurred to me how odd this is.. a latte w/ ice but not an iced-latte. So I asked them whats up and asked for another drink. They were cool and made me another.
Other detail is that the place was in shambles they were in the middle of some major remodel.
Insight? Does it mean anything??
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
As the world ends
Asian markets are getting pounded. Dow is getting routed. The world is coming to an end.
Oh well, thats life. Some of us claim to not care about money and the stock market but I often see these people comment on everyone else's lifestyle with regards to money. I admit that I am motivated by money, but I try not to let it overwhelm me.
Yen - Dollar is in my favor.
I think its a good time to buy if you are on the sidelines. No good news coming out, but what the heck why not!? I am going to get in... as soon as these bastards at Citi get my god damned IRA-Rollover acct set up. I had one for years and finally when I fund it, they shut down the brokerage link to it. I'm like WTF dude, I'm about to trade some serious shit. The shutdown actually saved me 15% since the market is down around there since I first tried to trade. But now I'm ready to hit it!!! Hit it hard!!
In other news... I booked a vacation to the US. Will stop by OC, Vegas, SF. My trip including hotel is short of $2k. After shopping for US products, gambling my life away, and buying a laptop while I'm there, I expect to spend between $5k-10k. Yep thats my life of excess, the extra 5-10k a year i blow could allow me to retire 5years earlier. Oh well like I said.. I may die young. Why let money hold you back.
Oh well, thats life. Some of us claim to not care about money and the stock market but I often see these people comment on everyone else's lifestyle with regards to money. I admit that I am motivated by money, but I try not to let it overwhelm me.
Yen - Dollar is in my favor.
I think its a good time to buy if you are on the sidelines. No good news coming out, but what the heck why not!? I am going to get in... as soon as these bastards at Citi get my god damned IRA-Rollover acct set up. I had one for years and finally when I fund it, they shut down the brokerage link to it. I'm like WTF dude, I'm about to trade some serious shit. The shutdown actually saved me 15% since the market is down around there since I first tried to trade. But now I'm ready to hit it!!! Hit it hard!!
In other news... I booked a vacation to the US. Will stop by OC, Vegas, SF. My trip including hotel is short of $2k. After shopping for US products, gambling my life away, and buying a laptop while I'm there, I expect to spend between $5k-10k. Yep thats my life of excess, the extra 5-10k a year i blow could allow me to retire 5years earlier. Oh well like I said.. I may die young. Why let money hold you back.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Spend spend spend
This past few weeks I've been pondering buying a new computer. I guess I've run out of other random things to waste money on.
So I'm thinking either..
The Dell XPS M2010 monster 20" laptop. $2300
The Dell ultra mini XPS M1330 14.1" laptop. $1100
The Apple iMac 20" desktop (gasp a mac and a desktop too). $1400 in Tokyo
An Apple MacBook pro also crossed my mind briefly. $2800 for a 17".
Such extremes in my choices I know. Ideally I would have a super powerful PC immobile laptop and an ultra portable laptop. Unfortunately my last ultra powerful laptop died and my ultra mini laptop is near death. Thus.. I am feeling compelled but unsure which to replace first.
I wonder if I am just spending to make myself feel better. There is some psychology around buying yourself junk to make yourself feel better. Some type of odd therapy. I may just wait till April so I can really see if I need any of this junk.
Funny I distinctly remember when I was making about $50k a year and how I thought wow if oneday I can make $90k or $100k then I'd be set! But @ $100k, life didn't change much. Alan Shore from Boston Legal makes $375k (probably more w/ bonuses). Funny how perspectives change over time. I once thought $100k was alot, now $375k doesn't seem like a shocker.
Probably within my visible grasp of salaries in the future, it won't make much difference in my life. My appetite for lavish spending will absorb any gains in pay. Alas thats life.
So I'm thinking either..
The Dell XPS M2010 monster 20" laptop. $2300
The Dell ultra mini XPS M1330 14.1" laptop. $1100
The Apple iMac 20" desktop (gasp a mac and a desktop too). $1400 in Tokyo
An Apple MacBook pro also crossed my mind briefly. $2800 for a 17".
Such extremes in my choices I know. Ideally I would have a super powerful PC immobile laptop and an ultra portable laptop. Unfortunately my last ultra powerful laptop died and my ultra mini laptop is near death. Thus.. I am feeling compelled but unsure which to replace first.
I wonder if I am just spending to make myself feel better. There is some psychology around buying yourself junk to make yourself feel better. Some type of odd therapy. I may just wait till April so I can really see if I need any of this junk.
Funny I distinctly remember when I was making about $50k a year and how I thought wow if oneday I can make $90k or $100k then I'd be set! But @ $100k, life didn't change much. Alan Shore from Boston Legal makes $375k (probably more w/ bonuses). Funny how perspectives change over time. I once thought $100k was alot, now $375k doesn't seem like a shocker.
Probably within my visible grasp of salaries in the future, it won't make much difference in my life. My appetite for lavish spending will absorb any gains in pay. Alas thats life.
Friday, January 11, 2008
How to get away with murder
I watched a bad movie, Hard Candy. Made me think... After watching countless episodes of TV cop and lawyer dramas, notably Law & Order which is probably my best guide, followed by CSI:Vegas, Homicide:LifeOnTheStreets, and less noteably NCIS, Bones, and etc, the following observations have been made:
1. Most TV shows focus on the arrest and extraction of a confession. In most tv shows they use tactics, esp in the interrogation box, that would render the confessions and statements inadmissable in court (see every other L&O episode).
2. Motive, Means, and Opportunity. The 3 in combination are the prosecutors silver bullet.
3. Universal truth is that you must have a body. No body, no indictment. The Peterson trial in NoCal proved that, and L&O also states the difficulty of convicting w/o a body. [Similar w/ the murder weapon].
4. #1 suspect is always the husband, lover, etc. So if you are going to kill your husband or wife, you should definitely focus on disposal.
That being said, focus on figuring out how to get rid of the body. After that is done, just practice looking really sad when you get arrested and when you are facing the jury. Detectives are petty, and juries focus on all the wrong things.
Okay everyone go get away w/ murder now !
1. Most TV shows focus on the arrest and extraction of a confession. In most tv shows they use tactics, esp in the interrogation box, that would render the confessions and statements inadmissable in court (see every other L&O episode).
2. Motive, Means, and Opportunity. The 3 in combination are the prosecutors silver bullet.
3. Universal truth is that you must have a body. No body, no indictment. The Peterson trial in NoCal proved that, and L&O also states the difficulty of convicting w/o a body. [Similar w/ the murder weapon].
4. #1 suspect is always the husband, lover, etc. So if you are going to kill your husband or wife, you should definitely focus on disposal.
That being said, focus on figuring out how to get rid of the body. After that is done, just practice looking really sad when you get arrested and when you are facing the jury. Detectives are petty, and juries focus on all the wrong things.
Okay everyone go get away w/ murder now !
Pesky Dog
I had a dream.
I was in my old house in OC, the house that I'd call home if it were still home. It was late and there was a dog making noise outside in the yard by the sliding door of our living room. I believe it was a mutt, but looked like hound or something. I kept trying to bang the window to get it to run away, but it didn't go anywhere. I was thinking I should go out and kick it, but didn't want to risk going outside and have the dog kill me (although the dog seemed quite tame/nice).
Then a baby woke up, and my mom came downstairs to tend to the baby. Odd, no baby in my past, but this is a dream. Mom says I should kill the dog, and I say yeah I should -- or something like that. We aren't an animal friendly family.
Anyways we ponder how the dog got in and I vow to myself to do a fence check and figure out how the dog got into our premises.
What does dream analysis tell u about this one? Hmmmmm... maybe I want a mom, dog, and baby? Hah. I remember alot of dreams. I'm going to write them down more often.
I was in my old house in OC, the house that I'd call home if it were still home. It was late and there was a dog making noise outside in the yard by the sliding door of our living room. I believe it was a mutt, but looked like hound or something. I kept trying to bang the window to get it to run away, but it didn't go anywhere. I was thinking I should go out and kick it, but didn't want to risk going outside and have the dog kill me (although the dog seemed quite tame/nice).
Then a baby woke up, and my mom came downstairs to tend to the baby. Odd, no baby in my past, but this is a dream. Mom says I should kill the dog, and I say yeah I should -- or something like that. We aren't an animal friendly family.
Anyways we ponder how the dog got in and I vow to myself to do a fence check and figure out how the dog got into our premises.
What does dream analysis tell u about this one? Hmmmmm... maybe I want a mom, dog, and baby? Hah. I remember alot of dreams. I'm going to write them down more often.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Ignorance is Bliss - Heroes!
Something said by Linderman to Nathan Petralli got to me...
He asked Nathan if he wanted a life of meaning or happiness. Nathan wanted both, but to that he answered:
To be truly happy a man must live absolutely in the present, and with no thought of what's gone before, and no thought of what lies ahead. But a life of meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past, and obsess about the future.
Its quite deep. Its quite well known as is the saying of the title of this blog. Yes, the happy are often the ones that don't worry so much about the past or present. Live in the now! Can that simply be the true key to happiness?
He asked Nathan if he wanted a life of meaning or happiness. Nathan wanted both, but to that he answered:
To be truly happy a man must live absolutely in the present, and with no thought of what's gone before, and no thought of what lies ahead. But a life of meaning, a man is condemned to wallow in the past, and obsess about the future.
Its quite deep. Its quite well known as is the saying of the title of this blog. Yes, the happy are often the ones that don't worry so much about the past or present. Live in the now! Can that simply be the true key to happiness?
My Stock Picks 2008 (Guru says...)
First off I'm no guru.
My 2008 return was about 15% on my personal trading account. My 401k was cashed out in August so I avoided the nasty crashes of the winter and closed w/ around a 19% return. So basically.. I failed to beat the fund managers. I didn't lose $11b like YooBS though, ahahahaa.
Second, I work in Fixed Income, so I have no professional skill in equities. I can tell you what Vega is but mainly how it relates to bonds.
Third, my historical stock picking is positive but I'm no W.Buffett or R.Lee.
Here's my long awaited random pick-ups for 2008:
DBC - Deuccche Bank Commodities. Get exposure to the hot talk of a hot communities year.
URRE - Uranium ? Yes yes.. its going to be hot for 2yrs. Then collapse. Get in on the tail end.
GS - under $200 is a steal, get it. they are gold. get in while its down.
FHN - sounds like a girly mag, but this sucker has a >10% dividend yield and great cashflow to cover. Its been shot down with subprime, get in while its down.
INP - India still has growth for a decade. Get exposure ASAP even if you don't like Indian food.
LVS - Invest in the house, because gambling is always a winner for them. LVS got shot down recently but they just opened a few hot casinos in Macao and Vegas. Expect miracles. I was tempted to go for Wynn but Wynn is a nutcase.. can't buy into a nutcase's operations.
Here's my current best holdings that are still hot:
IAU - this comex index is money in the bank.
FXI - probably the hottest ETF of 2007, waivering between 70-105% return
AAPL - beaten down right now, its definitely going over $200 esp after MacWorld blows the doors off the press once again
EMC - VMW is down but people will eventually understand what it means to own 70% of VMW.
I'll probably also get some S&P or Russell index funds (ETFs) to diversify my wild plays.
Vig is on vacation. I'm settling down on the dating scene for a little while. Call it hibernation during the cold harsh winter.
My 2008 return was about 15% on my personal trading account. My 401k was cashed out in August so I avoided the nasty crashes of the winter and closed w/ around a 19% return. So basically.. I failed to beat the fund managers. I didn't lose $11b like YooBS though, ahahahaa.
Second, I work in Fixed Income, so I have no professional skill in equities. I can tell you what Vega is but mainly how it relates to bonds.
Third, my historical stock picking is positive but I'm no W.Buffett or R.Lee.
Here's my long awaited random pick-ups for 2008:
DBC - Deuccche Bank Commodities. Get exposure to the hot talk of a hot communities year.
URRE - Uranium ? Yes yes.. its going to be hot for 2yrs. Then collapse. Get in on the tail end.
GS - under $200 is a steal, get it. they are gold. get in while its down.
FHN - sounds like a girly mag, but this sucker has a >10% dividend yield and great cashflow to cover. Its been shot down with subprime, get in while its down.
INP - India still has growth for a decade. Get exposure ASAP even if you don't like Indian food.
LVS - Invest in the house, because gambling is always a winner for them. LVS got shot down recently but they just opened a few hot casinos in Macao and Vegas. Expect miracles. I was tempted to go for Wynn but Wynn is a nutcase.. can't buy into a nutcase's operations.
Here's my current best holdings that are still hot:
IAU - this comex index is money in the bank.
FXI - probably the hottest ETF of 2007, waivering between 70-105% return
AAPL - beaten down right now, its definitely going over $200 esp after MacWorld blows the doors off the press once again
EMC - VMW is down but people will eventually understand what it means to own 70% of VMW.
I'll probably also get some S&P or Russell index funds (ETFs) to diversify my wild plays.
Vig is on vacation. I'm settling down on the dating scene for a little while. Call it hibernation during the cold harsh winter.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Zhivago
Man I got juked. I started watching Dr. Zhivago and I was thinking, DAMN that girl looks like Keira Knightly. But the movie is like 50yrs old so I thought wow, interesting... blah blahblah. Then it turns out I only DVR taped the first part of the movie! Dammit.
And then I find out... yes it was Kiera, because this is a new made for tv edition of the old movie classic. Geezz..... what a waste of time. Anyways I can't get the 2nd half this anymore, so maybe I'll rent the original movie oneday. Its a love story.
Some of us fall in love easily. For others it takes alot of time, effort, and luck. The ability to connect thats the key! I don't know if falling in love so easily is always such a good thing though.
I discovered Heroes is a great show, at least season 1 episode 13 which I've watched up to. NCIS is growing on me a little, but the characters are paper thin. Cold Case I am tiring of quickly. I need new material!! Or I can watch a bit less TV, been watching alot lately.
And then I find out... yes it was Kiera, because this is a new made for tv edition of the old movie classic. Geezz..... what a waste of time. Anyways I can't get the 2nd half this anymore, so maybe I'll rent the original movie oneday. Its a love story.
Some of us fall in love easily. For others it takes alot of time, effort, and luck. The ability to connect thats the key! I don't know if falling in love so easily is always such a good thing though.
I discovered Heroes is a great show, at least season 1 episode 13 which I've watched up to. NCIS is growing on me a little, but the characters are paper thin. Cold Case I am tiring of quickly. I need new material!! Or I can watch a bit less TV, been watching alot lately.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Akemashite omedetou
Back from Snowboarding! And I am near death. Note, snow conditions far outweigh the machine groomed crap in Tahoe. Lots of real powder/snow. Only problem is you have to change your boarding style for thicker snow.
Man I had a nasty headache and fever last night.
My immunities are bad. I'm probably going to die soon. Oh well at least I won't have to worry much about retirement.
Man I had a nasty headache and fever last night.
My immunities are bad. I'm probably going to die soon. Oh well at least I won't have to worry much about retirement.
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