I did it, I went to the gym for 1hr.
Forgive me but I am starting slow. I did 30min on the bike, and 45min of weights. I really should run because biking is boring as hell and cardio I am not into so rather do it quickly and hardcore.
However I recall telling my coworker while in the hater mood, how staying healthy doesn't do much for most people. Most people probably are destined to live whatever length they are by merit of genes and circumstance. I am thinking my ideal self, full of vigor and exercise and fiber may live to 69. My avg self of staying semi-healthy 66, and if i am a relatively lazy blob then 63. So whats that buy me.. 6 years? Is it worth it?
I suppose looking forward I don't see the merit. But at the twilight of my life as the end nears, will I cherish every waking day and hope for just one more fantasy football league, or to see one more hot girl's photo in the next issue of Playboy.. ? Hmm I'm having dark thoughts alrighty.
I think perspective would change if I had family/kids. Then I may really feel something more.
I had some bleak thoughts about getting my act together and my coworker said I was already focused and efficient. I said hahaaaa... I'm soooo good at faking!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
My 2010 Goals
I suppose its a good thing to write goals. The act of thinking about it is critical -- almost as critical as doing it. One can argue whether its execution or planning that is key.
I won't digress and explain my 2009 in detail, but I can sum it up in a few lines:
- ended relationship w/ psychopath which almost killed me
- survived the post-bankrupt era and emerged a winner at work
- traveled to Shanghai and SZ (new places), revisted HK, California, Vancouver, and Hawaii.
- got fatter by maybe 8lbs
My generic goals:
- Career -> achieve next promotion status (VP)
- Money -> start saving a little more than I do now, reel in some of the frivilous living and keep it "real"
- Friends -> try to stay in better touch w/ family and friends
- Love -> try to find a good girl
- Lifestyle -> drink less, exercise more
- Life -> be happy, enjoy everyday!
Specifics:
- Get to work by 9am. I work at a bank and shamefully.. i rarely get in by 9am. Official start time is 840am, but I often come in at 10am. This is going to burn me oneday.
- Read 1 book per quarter
- Stay focused on the type of girl I want to date and execute*(1).
- Get stuff done (GTD). Try not to procrastinate, when I see something to do, do it ASAP.
- Go to gym, join gym, go regularly. Try to do a small/simple 30min workout at home every night!
- Sleep 8hrs a night. Take medication to sleep if needed!
But this brings me to my other thought.. this year, 2010 is a pivotal one for me. I really think about it, and I believe this may be my last year (on earth? no but in Japan). I think by years end, I will move to HK (to live 1 more year abroad), or move back to North America.
In order to plan my exit, I have to focus.. I have to stay marketable in the job market, which will be a challenge depending where I want to live (ie, no banks in California if thats where I want to go). Its a big career year for me. If I don't get promoted then I have to think.. do I stay another year here? Even if I do get promoted I have to think.. what is my future plan?
I'm considering trying to go from line manager of the system I'm working on, to being a regional architect for the division. There is a global architect in LDN, so perhaps I can join that guys global team, and be local rep. Being a regional head of architecture and building a small highly technical team maybe a better option for me, esp if I want to escape back to America oneday! Plus I find I am not a great project management, I don't have the organizational skills for it.
Footnotes:
(1) -- Last 3 girls I dated: a) older admin (38?) who is a red-neck republican... too old, what am I doing, plus political/personality misfit. b) japanese gal who doesn't speak english, smokes, drinks alot, etc... c) chinese girl who speaks japanese but doesn't speak english, but had huuuuge breasts.... seriously I need to focus my efforts. I am looking for english speaker, age 27-33, nice, pretty, good family and values and non-psychotic!).
I won't digress and explain my 2009 in detail, but I can sum it up in a few lines:
- ended relationship w/ psychopath which almost killed me
- survived the post-bankrupt era and emerged a winner at work
- traveled to Shanghai and SZ (new places), revisted HK, California, Vancouver, and Hawaii.
- got fatter by maybe 8lbs
My generic goals:
- Career -> achieve next promotion status (VP)
- Money -> start saving a little more than I do now, reel in some of the frivilous living and keep it "real"
- Friends -> try to stay in better touch w/ family and friends
- Love -> try to find a good girl
- Lifestyle -> drink less, exercise more
- Life -> be happy, enjoy everyday!
Specifics:
- Get to work by 9am. I work at a bank and shamefully.. i rarely get in by 9am. Official start time is 840am, but I often come in at 10am. This is going to burn me oneday.
- Read 1 book per quarter
- Stay focused on the type of girl I want to date and execute*(1).
- Get stuff done (GTD). Try not to procrastinate, when I see something to do, do it ASAP.
- Go to gym, join gym, go regularly. Try to do a small/simple 30min workout at home every night!
- Sleep 8hrs a night. Take medication to sleep if needed!
But this brings me to my other thought.. this year, 2010 is a pivotal one for me. I really think about it, and I believe this may be my last year (on earth? no but in Japan). I think by years end, I will move to HK (to live 1 more year abroad), or move back to North America.
In order to plan my exit, I have to focus.. I have to stay marketable in the job market, which will be a challenge depending where I want to live (ie, no banks in California if thats where I want to go). Its a big career year for me. If I don't get promoted then I have to think.. do I stay another year here? Even if I do get promoted I have to think.. what is my future plan?
I'm considering trying to go from line manager of the system I'm working on, to being a regional architect for the division. There is a global architect in LDN, so perhaps I can join that guys global team, and be local rep. Being a regional head of architecture and building a small highly technical team maybe a better option for me, esp if I want to escape back to America oneday! Plus I find I am not a great project management, I don't have the organizational skills for it.
Footnotes:
(1) -- Last 3 girls I dated: a) older admin (38?) who is a red-neck republican... too old, what am I doing, plus political/personality misfit. b) japanese gal who doesn't speak english, smokes, drinks alot, etc... c) chinese girl who speaks japanese but doesn't speak english, but had huuuuge breasts.... seriously I need to focus my efforts. I am looking for english speaker, age 27-33, nice, pretty, good family and values and non-psychotic!).
Friday, December 25, 2009
Journey to Whistler
I went to Whistler alone. Yep its a long trek man.
Not as long as all but longer than most. The snow is great, mountian is superb. I highly recommend going but be in good shape. I could barely handle it by 3rd day I was dead. Boarding 6hrs a day is not easy on an old man like me.
For many this is an extravagent 5 day trip to take. For me, I have little purpose in life at the moment so its good to live free while I can. Clearly if I settle down then I can refocus at that time. I'm not totally unfocused now, but guess the idea of throwing down $3k just for kicks isn't such a big deal these days.
Hmmm my train of thoughts have all faded. Maybe the one thought I had is that I ponder if I will get married and have kids. Marriage is very likely, kids is getting to the edge of possibility. But its funny, when I think about it, my dad had me when he was 42. I must be following his pattern in which case I should prepare to die at 59 or so. Gives me about 23 more years, thats a pretty decent run.
Question is, will I regret not having a family? I wonder why its so difficult for me to think about whether I want a family or not. Going to Whistler and seeing the families and being its xmas, the family spirit is at its height and I can feel some urge, but its not the innate reproductive urge (well I have the urge to go thru the motions of reproduction but not the followthru) that many men feel. I ask around and many always wanted a family there was no doubt in their mind. For me maybe its due to my semi-screwy family and the lack of a stable home to really build upon? Are these excuses I wonder?
Anyways the point is, its not clear to me. I always, as far as I could remember thought I'd have kids if the wife wanted kids. I don't feel I'm particularly good w/ them so I wonder. But getting old and not having family around is also kinda depressing. But fear of loneliness and depression is a very foolish reason to have kids. Better to just get a dog maybe.
Anyways merry xmas!! I celebrated as usual with my coworkers at my usual bar. Yep thats the singleooo life.
Not as long as all but longer than most. The snow is great, mountian is superb. I highly recommend going but be in good shape. I could barely handle it by 3rd day I was dead. Boarding 6hrs a day is not easy on an old man like me.
For many this is an extravagent 5 day trip to take. For me, I have little purpose in life at the moment so its good to live free while I can. Clearly if I settle down then I can refocus at that time. I'm not totally unfocused now, but guess the idea of throwing down $3k just for kicks isn't such a big deal these days.
Hmmm my train of thoughts have all faded. Maybe the one thought I had is that I ponder if I will get married and have kids. Marriage is very likely, kids is getting to the edge of possibility. But its funny, when I think about it, my dad had me when he was 42. I must be following his pattern in which case I should prepare to die at 59 or so. Gives me about 23 more years, thats a pretty decent run.
Question is, will I regret not having a family? I wonder why its so difficult for me to think about whether I want a family or not. Going to Whistler and seeing the families and being its xmas, the family spirit is at its height and I can feel some urge, but its not the innate reproductive urge (well I have the urge to go thru the motions of reproduction but not the followthru) that many men feel. I ask around and many always wanted a family there was no doubt in their mind. For me maybe its due to my semi-screwy family and the lack of a stable home to really build upon? Are these excuses I wonder?
Anyways the point is, its not clear to me. I always, as far as I could remember thought I'd have kids if the wife wanted kids. I don't feel I'm particularly good w/ them so I wonder. But getting old and not having family around is also kinda depressing. But fear of loneliness and depression is a very foolish reason to have kids. Better to just get a dog maybe.
Anyways merry xmas!! I celebrated as usual with my coworkers at my usual bar. Yep thats the singleooo life.
Friday, December 4, 2009
My future and boarding
Tonight was a rare Friday when I went home early.
I went to my usual bar.. but my usual crew weren't all there. There were some new girls to talk to but I didn't have the mojo. One was particular interesting.. Miwa I think, but alas I don't have the spirit and enthusiasm now to chase anyone down. Quite sad really.
At work I had some blowup that pissed me off and made me feel like this is bullshit not worth the stress and made me want to quit. Then found out I'm in a good spot to get promoted so I decided hey this is good shit.
I looked at Linked-In today.. looked at my prior company and people.. and I must say, there were alot of assholes at that company. I never worked at a place with so many people I didn't really care for. Really quite odd. There were definitely good people there and nice people, but there was enough bullshit that I didn't care for it. I'm glad I left. My current crew is way cool, I like the people, they like me, and it keeps me there. I do wish for some semblance of stability in life at work.. but work is never stable, its a transitional state of being. Life is the same.
"Why should I save a world I no longer have any stake in ?" -- Doctor Manhattan
I went to my usual bar.. but my usual crew weren't all there. There were some new girls to talk to but I didn't have the mojo. One was particular interesting.. Miwa I think, but alas I don't have the spirit and enthusiasm now to chase anyone down. Quite sad really.
At work I had some blowup that pissed me off and made me feel like this is bullshit not worth the stress and made me want to quit. Then found out I'm in a good spot to get promoted so I decided hey this is good shit.
I looked at Linked-In today.. looked at my prior company and people.. and I must say, there were alot of assholes at that company. I never worked at a place with so many people I didn't really care for. Really quite odd. There were definitely good people there and nice people, but there was enough bullshit that I didn't care for it. I'm glad I left. My current crew is way cool, I like the people, they like me, and it keeps me there. I do wish for some semblance of stability in life at work.. but work is never stable, its a transitional state of being. Life is the same.
"Why should I save a world I no longer have any stake in ?" -- Doctor Manhattan
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Is this good
I am slowly growing less technical. Its happened. I no longer can keep up, but thats okay maybe.
Being a developer is sometimes an easier job. Just just get specs and solve a solveable problem with design and creativity. There are simple rewards of getting it right.
But now I'm managing growing behemoth of a project that has 14 people on it. I come to work and have to think about what the heck everyone will be working on. Its not that easy let me tell you, coordinating 5 regions at the same time. Also having these users calling me regularly as the point person and demanding delivery fast, complaining how many people are working and why things take so long to do... I am getting crushed with it all. Recently I appointed 4 lead people to take on some of the responsibility but seems I am still running the show in detail. Phew...
Maybe this is good.. it definitely is a good experience. Going from managing nobody, or a small team, to a monster project.
Well I think its good. We all have to move forward. And I think this is forward for me.
Being a developer is sometimes an easier job. Just just get specs and solve a solveable problem with design and creativity. There are simple rewards of getting it right.
But now I'm managing growing behemoth of a project that has 14 people on it. I come to work and have to think about what the heck everyone will be working on. Its not that easy let me tell you, coordinating 5 regions at the same time. Also having these users calling me regularly as the point person and demanding delivery fast, complaining how many people are working and why things take so long to do... I am getting crushed with it all. Recently I appointed 4 lead people to take on some of the responsibility but seems I am still running the show in detail. Phew...
Maybe this is good.. it definitely is a good experience. Going from managing nobody, or a small team, to a monster project.
Well I think its good. We all have to move forward. And I think this is forward for me.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
The Meaning of the Monkey
I met w/ my old friend Scotty the ex-banker while in HK. Let me tell you its going to be hard for me to relate to this guy soon. He's now CFO of a 600m$ public company and involved in acquiring companies and shit like that. Here I am developing random monitoring tools for traders. I find it a step that I can't quite comprehend. He's better off hanging w/ my brother the CFO. Shit I wonder if I'll get to the C** level. Closest I can get is coding C++.
But in the end, he has regular problems in life just like you or I. His GF and he don't get each other, and while engaged they got to the point of her or him moving out and saying farewell. Life is tough man. But I guess if you can make $500k+ a year + $500k+ a year in equity then you have 1 less thing to worry about!
The monkey is a big thing in life. I ponder the importance of Monkey, as do my friends.
In the end I think I can do w/o monkey but its what drives us all. The monkey... the man.. the madness.
In more interesting news I went to Macau this weekend as well. I stayed at Venetian. Many thing I am splurging and I wonder what people do w/ their money. But for me, if I'm on "vacation" I go 4-star/5-star and don't mess around. The incremental cost is worth it.
However I have decided to boycott Venetian Macau. The bastard manager at the Dim-Sum restaurant in Venetian casino pissed me off. I was arguing w/ the guy about the rice and he wouldn't remove it from my bill. Chinese dudes (no offense) are tight w/ money.. its true, they know how to make money. No feebies for sure!
But in the end, he has regular problems in life just like you or I. His GF and he don't get each other, and while engaged they got to the point of her or him moving out and saying farewell. Life is tough man. But I guess if you can make $500k+ a year + $500k+ a year in equity then you have 1 less thing to worry about!
The monkey is a big thing in life. I ponder the importance of Monkey, as do my friends.
In the end I think I can do w/o monkey but its what drives us all. The monkey... the man.. the madness.
In more interesting news I went to Macau this weekend as well. I stayed at Venetian. Many thing I am splurging and I wonder what people do w/ their money. But for me, if I'm on "vacation" I go 4-star/5-star and don't mess around. The incremental cost is worth it.
However I have decided to boycott Venetian Macau. The bastard manager at the Dim-Sum restaurant in Venetian casino pissed me off. I was arguing w/ the guy about the rice and he wouldn't remove it from my bill. Chinese dudes (no offense) are tight w/ money.. its true, they know how to make money. No feebies for sure!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Good news bad news
Good news I realize I'm way over my SF gf at this point. Bad news is its due to my last gf. So I guess its true, new gf's transplant the prior one so its all about making new memories.
I do miss the ex-gf even though she was crazy and was of a bad breed I'd say. Its fundamentally problematic for all of us.. we like who we like and its out of control. I hear so many girls say "i can't find a man... i'm desperate" but in reality nobody is willing to go w/ someone they don't have the magic with. And if the magic is with a married person or someone who is an ass or dangerous you still go with it, because its like a drug, you want the magic so badly that you will sacrifice your dignity and at times your life to have it.
I have been there, and I know many girls (tend to be more emotionally driven) repeat the mistake over and over again.
Its humanity and many take advantage of this by playing the game -- to them I say as long as you are happy with way you live your life, then so be it. I am trying to live a life where I feel I'm doing the right thing and am a good guy (for the most part).
Anyways time will tell.
I am going to rebalance my portfolio and prepare for the big market correction. I may buy Jan '10 leaps (puts) to hedge myself.
I do miss the ex-gf even though she was crazy and was of a bad breed I'd say. Its fundamentally problematic for all of us.. we like who we like and its out of control. I hear so many girls say "i can't find a man... i'm desperate" but in reality nobody is willing to go w/ someone they don't have the magic with. And if the magic is with a married person or someone who is an ass or dangerous you still go with it, because its like a drug, you want the magic so badly that you will sacrifice your dignity and at times your life to have it.
I have been there, and I know many girls (tend to be more emotionally driven) repeat the mistake over and over again.
Its humanity and many take advantage of this by playing the game -- to them I say as long as you are happy with way you live your life, then so be it. I am trying to live a life where I feel I'm doing the right thing and am a good guy (for the most part).
Anyways time will tell.
I am going to rebalance my portfolio and prepare for the big market correction. I may buy Jan '10 leaps (puts) to hedge myself.
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